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| Xeogaming Forums - Game Over - I'm finished. |
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Makura        Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| There really is no point to this thread, but I figured it was a good place to get my feelings out. If you don't want to reply or if you don't agree with me posting this please don't say so. I'd appreciate it.
For those of you who know my background this'll make some sense, but I'll give some back story. My Mom is a drug addict who has always put getting high before me. For basically my entire life. About a month ago she had a complete turn around and was doing great. We bonded and she became my best friend. The pain of what she did was still there but I was just happy to have her bakc in my life in a positive form. Last night I get he phone call. She tells me that she has had a relapse. She may get tested and have to go to jail. I'm devastated. I have no idea what to do. How many times does she have ot do this before I shut her out of my life? How long before I finally hate her? I love this woman and I want her to be happy. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. That's all I can really say. I'm tired. and I want to cut myself |
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Cairoi This isn't about you and your loud mouth, This is about me and my fucking beard. Since: 08-29-04 From: PA Since last post: 4848 days Last activity: 4472 days |
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| Self-mutilation isn't the answer.
Look into what you're saying: You think pain will relieve pain? It doesn't work like that, no matter how much society's self-haters want you to think. If your mother has a problem, she needs to understand completly that what she's doing is wrong. If she's going to jail, then this might be good for her. Maybe you can take initiative for your mother and put her into programs that will help her with her problem. Just remember one thing: The more you're tired, the closer to sleep you are. I'm sorry I can't do this, but you need to be cheered up. I normally do this for my friends. Go to friends and try to have fun. ^.^ eh? |
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Rauni Since: 08-14-04 Since last post: 1545 days Last activity: 1545 days |
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Originally posted by Makura Don't cut yourself. It hurts like hell. Originally posted by Makura Hate her as much as you like. Tell her how you feel, let it out but remember, SHE just told you. Would you rather heard it from a police instead of your mom? I am sure you probably won't understand but she want to regret her decision and she told you directly instead of having someone else to do it. Afterall, I think she want YOU to know because even all of the time together, she might have felt that she betray you in the end. Just encourages her for admitting it but hate her for her action with the drug, alright? She probably doesn't want to hurt you more because she is probably afraid of hurting you, even your mother develops a close bond with you. All I can say is listen to your heart and decides on what you feel. I am sure that your mother want you to think about it because she probably doesn't want you to suffers anymore. If she thinks she have to go to jails, she is probably even protecting you from not making the same mistakes like her. |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| Yeah you're right. I did realize that her telling me is a huge plus. I'm just hurt is all. | |||
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Rauni Since: 08-14-04 Since last post: 1545 days Last activity: 1545 days |
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Originally posted by Makura Being hurt is always the life way of saying: "It's time to move on." It always happpen to you, to me, and to everyone. So please, don't see this as a bad thing. We are always hurt by even the action of other, so Makura, you can as least understand your mother's courage to tell you the truth. Time can heal your wounds, so your mother might be regreting her action but it is the least she can do to face her mistakes and try to find a way to make you feel like you are being accepted, Makura. I know you are being hurt but she want you to know. This actually soften the blow and the wound because I believes that she starting to like you of who you are, and feel that she misses this chance with you. |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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Originally posted by Makura I know that feeling right there...My father is addicted to Crack Cocaine... He dosent have any respect for himself, he looks like shit, sounds like shit, forgets my name, calls me a faggot for liking Heavy metal and for watching anime...Hes not the father like I used to know... Everyday is like a new day for him, sometimes I will bond with him and usually cut up with him, and THEN thats when he would do that shit again...I caught him one time doing it while he was in the shower, he got out and his eyes were bloodshot and everything...He would usually turn away because he dosent want to see him stoned or whatever, but he knew I was dissappointed in him... Drugs can fuck up lives....Im sorry that it took complete controll over your mother. The only best option that you can do is the fact that you still need to be there for her...now more than ever...Just continue to show her you love her and hopefully things will go better for you... Oh and dont cut yourself, what in the hell would that do? |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| Well...I'm at her house right now. We've talked, we've yelled, we're good. I'm gonna do whatever I can to help and shut out my pain and be selfless just like I always am, without reluctancy or hatred or resentment. I forgive.
Yes people, I cut myself. And it felt damn good. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| *glares at you*
Bad Makura. I'm sorry to hear about the relapse... she sounded like she was doing so well, it sucks. Any word on the jail thingy yet? |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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Originally posted by Makura :: Shrugs :: Well if thats your thing im not gonna stop you, but its seriously bad for your health...I mean what if you had an accident and you got ended up going to the hospital? Theres just no point to 'ME' on why people cut themselves... Well I hope things go better for you, hopefully soon you wont have to cut yourself and will resort to other methods of solving anger like I try to do... your in my prayers |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| >.> Guys, I know I shouldn't cut. It's an addiction. I don't intend on doing it again.
She should be able to fix things as long as she is clena by Tuesday. I appreciate the prayer Sajin, I need it. I don't really know how I'm doing. I'm just...alive..in the most raw form. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| I know it's an addiction, I used to be a cutter too remember. I just lucked out and didn't scar a lot.
I hope everything is going to turn out alright. I shall light a candle for you (Wiccan prayers). |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| Thanks for being a friend. | |||
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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Originally posted by Makura Well you only get to live once, just remember to learn from whatever mistakes you come across along the way...Learn from your mistakes, and grow stronger! |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| I'm a -very- strong person, Sajin. I'm learning, not only from my mistakes, but from the mistakes of others. | |||
Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| of course you're strong. You're MY sister. And if there's one thing this
family consisting of you and me does REALLY well it's pick ourselves up and move on after the shit hit's the fan. I'l be honest sis. I'm not happy about you cutting yourself, but you know as well as I do that I have way too many scars to really criticize. I know how it feels and how helpful or theraputic it can be. Just please be careful sis, like i always say. I love you and I need my little sister around to kick my ass and help pick me up when my own life fucks up just as I try to do for you. *hugs* You can still call me anytime you want or need if you just want to talk. (Last edited by Pockets on 01-30-06 06:53 PM) |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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Originally posted by Pockets :: applauds :: Theres your strength Makura...He is extremely right! |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| Thanks, bro. I don't know, anymore. I mean all I CAN do is keep going on with my life as best I can. at least I've come to terms with that. | |||
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| So it's been a week since your Last post Makura. Are things going any better
for you? How ya holdin' up? |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5886 days Last activity: 5152 days |
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| Well, I don't mean for this to be spam since it's so short, but I really don't feel the need to go into too much detail.
I'm doing fine. |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy!  Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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Originally posted by Makura At least there's one of us |
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