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| Xeogaming Forums - Debate Shrine - BDSM |
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WhiteRose Warrior Sailor Delerium Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst.          Since: 08-17-04 From: The Dreaming Since last post: 4451 days Last activity: 5155 days |
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| Well, I'm a little curious, but is always seems like the dominate person is male. Is that always the case or can a female be dominate as well? | |||
Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4364 days Last activity: 3978 days |
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| A female can definately be dominant if the guy she is with is submissive. I seem to find more submissive guys than dominant guys.... and it's sad. If my partner is more submissive than I am, I probably don't want to date them.
Being dominant or submissive has more to do with personality than role playing. Some people have submissive personalities and others have dominant personalities. I'm one of the people who look down upon people who switch roles aand such... it feels wrong to me =/ |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| Actually overall more men are submissives than they are dominants. Unfortunately of women more tend to be submissive than dominant as well meaning there is a shortage of dominants overall for both genders.
Then we have the switch people that can be both. *shrugs* Some in the BDSM community look down on Switches as Belial mentioned but my opinion is that it's their choice to be whatever they want so as long as they're having fun and no one is getting hurt. Submissives are in a difficult situation all around. They are submissive, meaning they're very vulnerable to predators that will just abuse and control them as opposed to love a teach them. Also as there are so many more submissives than dominants it is even more difficult for a submissive to find a healthy loving relationship with a capable dominant. (Last edited by Pockets on 09-16-05 05:48 PM) |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....  Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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| "Especially in the case of bondage because that makes the submissive completely helpless, tied up and vulnerable so they're literally putting their own life in their partners hands. I can't think of much that's more romantic than placing that kind of trust in another person."
Hmm... never thought of that before. Yes, all we do is technically considered lovemaking, because I have had sex with others and not enjoyed it because I feel no emotional connection to them at all. It just seems so bland sometimes. My fiance trusts me, but I think he's really sensitive to things, such as biting. He doesn't like pain, and I do. So I have to kind of watch it around him. :/ As far as being tied up, I do think that excites him as well as me, but we don't really ever do anything like that. Hmm... maybe I should check out that book sometimes. Sounds like it could be interesting. As far as the "switch people" I'm definatly one of them.  My ultimate dream is to be home when my fiance gets off work, and he takes me into the bedroom like he wants to show me something, then just thows me down and gags me and.... erm... hai.
Anyway, on the other hand I love being on top, holding his wrists down and telling him to shut up while I cover his mouth with my other hand. Hehe. Yay for funness. That's surprising that men are more submissive. Actually. Now that I think about it, no it's not. Hmm... |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| "Yes, all we do is technically considered lovemaking, because I have had sex with others and not enjoyed it because I feel no emotional connection to them at all. It just seems so bland sometimes."
Again Evo. Just having sex or fucking can be the same as makin love if the people involved are in love with each other and care about each other. It doesn't HAVE to be the classic image everyone has of soft and gentle and soft music and candle light. The soft and gentle could be a piece of fur rubbing over a naked and bound persons body the music could be designed to relax and the candle light could be for the hot wax about to be dripped over the submissives body. It's still making love no matter what you're doing as long as you are IN LOVE with the person you're with. |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart.... Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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Agreed on the last part.  Makes sense, I suppose.
Hmm... I need a blindfold, I like your ideas with fur and the cold butter knife. Any more for me?  |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| (posted from a PM with Evo's permission)
*walks out of room and hangs a sign on the door that reads "The Doctor is in." *consults clipboard.* Miss. Evo? I believe it is time for you're 11:30 appointment. Please to follow me. *Turns and leads the way into an office. Sits behind a large wooden desk and motions for Evo to take a seat in a very comfortable leather chair.* Now. It seems to me from previous conversations that you and your fiance have slightly different views on sexual relations. This is not a problem really. It is good to add diversity to ones sex life by being open to new activities, games and what have you. Now. You say your fiance is not one to be liking of pain? I have for you solution. Talk to him. You are liking of biting if I remember correctly. So next time fiance is kissing neck or something request he bite. After whatever activities have taken place or what have you explain biting to him. Explain feeling caused by biting explain desire for biting or being tied up and gagged as you said. Communication is key element in any relationship but especially one that is looking to move into the realm of bdsm. Very serious that both partners knows what to expect from each other. Do not be nervous or embarassed about what you like. He should not be either. You are both intelligent mature sexually active people obviously. Is no need to be embarassed or nervous. Share fantasies with each other. No matter how outrageous or impossible to act out share them. That is 'nother type of bonding as said about reading of book together. Again, best advice I give you is purchase book if possible and talk with fiance. Explain to him what you would like. Make VERY sure he know it is not because you are disatisfied with sexual relationship as is. This is just something you've come across you find interesting and would like to try. If you are patient, do not push him but talk and explain and if he is understaning and loving fiance he should eventually be willing to try something as experiment which you then discuss and move forwards if you both like or whatever you two decide. now it seems our time is up. If you have more questions please feel free to ask I will answer to best of my ability. "Hmm... I need a blindfold, I like your ideas with fur and the cold butter knife. Any more for me?" Well Evo are you asking for ideas on sensation play alone or do you have more broad interests? (Last edited by Pockets on 09-19-05 05:12 AM) |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart.... Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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| Hehe, I am interested in anything and everything, really. I THOUGHT that my fiance and I had tried almost every sexual act possible, but after tlaking to you, I've realized that's probably not the case.
So if you have any thing that any of us might be interested in, feel free to let us know. |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| well Evo again take your pick.
There's: Sensation play Pain Play Humiliation Bondage (also included, suspension, Karada, Shibari and more) Dominance/Submission Electro Torture Clips and clamps Role Play Those are a few categories and within each category are hundreds of different ways to do things and ideas. Pick something from the list and I'll expound on it if you like. |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart.... Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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| Hmmm... well... we don't have a lot of money at the moment as I just quit my job, so something that doesn't cost too much, I guess. Probably role play? That sounds fun. |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| ok. Sensation Play, Role Play, Pain Play, Humiliation and D/s (dominance
and submission) can be cheap but if you really want to go all out they can get a bit expensive. Sensation play I've described before. The person does not HAVE to be tied up or blindfolded though. There are so many different way's you can do things. It depends on your creativity and willingness to explore and experiment. Now pain and humiliation can sort of go hand in hand. Evo in your case if your fiance isn't a fan of being in pain himself maybe you can train him to inflict a little on you. That can be pinches, bites, slaps or spanks. It's entirely up to
the two of you. Humiliation is exactly what it sounds like. The submissive being degraded and humiliated. That can include being disciplined or punished in a public setting, refered to by derogatory terms in bed such as slut, whore, bitch... (note: as I am male these are all from my perspective as myself being the dominant and a female being the submissive. It doesn't HAVE to be a woman being degraded it can be a man.) One VERY extreme example I read about was a woman was being punished by her Master. She was in a bar, forced to orally please three men. She had an anal plug in her ass with cords hanging from it like a horses tail. Her shirt was lifted up over her breasts and no bra. Her panties were removed and her skirt bunched around her waist with her hands cuffed together behind her back. She was then forced by her master to walk down the side of a busy road like that to her masters car. Again. The above is an EXTREME example and I would not recomend it. One reason being likelyhood of being arrested for public indecency on the part of the sub or possible misunderstanding and charges of assault or kidnapping being brought on the dom. Role play is again exactly what it sounds like. The people involved talk and decide on a scenario. One is a police oficer the other is a hooker attempting to proposition the cop. Or a mad scientist conducting experiments on his helpless test subject. A teacher or doctor taking advantage of a student or patient. Part of the fun is in the planning. Talk, write things down even. Plan out your scenario to the smallest detail, build up the anticipation as much as possible. This has several purposes. It builds up the anticipation of the event as well as making absolutely sure what is allowed and what isn't from both parties. (this can get expensive if you're actually inclined to invest in costumes ie. police uniform, hooker like outfit. Lab coat leather restraints etc. etc. etc.) Dominance and submission is my personal favorite. It involves again one person being dominant and the other submissive. There are varying levels as I've mentioned before. A light version being one night a week maybe one person decides to be submissive and is basically at the dominants beck and call. Or it can be largely the relationship is as often as possible dominant and submissive. In this there are almost no limitations. You can combine dominance and submission with pain play or role play or humiliation or bondage or sensation play. The dominant can grab the submissive and force her into whatever perverted activities his mind can conjure up. Only within the limits set by the submissive however. The submissive decides what is allowed. If anal is not something they're going to allow then any respectable dominant will not attempt to force such an activity (Last edited by Pockets on 09-19-05 06:20 AM) |
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crythole Mini Octorok  Since: 09-14-05 From: CA Since last post: 7000 days Last activity: 6866 days |
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| ok, Im even more glad I found this board. I just wanted to say that.
I have to read this whole thread, then Ill probably be postin my own ?s |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| Glad to have you aboard Jersey. I get the feeling there's shy people on this board that just don't want to draw attention to their own sexuality or interests. They're timid. It's good to have somebody else that's willing to further the discussion for those that just don't want to speak up but are interested. (Last edited by Pockets on 09-21-05 06:22 AM) |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart.... Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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| Hehe, yes, and you will enjoy Pockets' lessons, Jersey.
Today I let my fiance read this thread. LoL. We also had the most amazing, wild sex ever. A little personal, yes, but I just had to give props to Pockets. |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| LOL Well I'm glad to hear I've inspired somebody Evo.
No more questions? I'm surprised at you. I was expecting you to keep me on my toes for weeks more at the least. |
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Evo Red Super Koopa Watching you fall brings joy to my heart.... Since: 08-16-04 From: Oregon Since last post: 6108 days Last activity: 6049 days |
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| Oh I have plenty more questions, just don't know exactly what they are, lol. I'm interested in anything and everything to do with sex. Lol.... as I mentioned over AIM, I'm a nympho. I like pain, I love pleasure, I love dominace and submission.
So, if you have anything you'd like anyone to know, just keep talkin'.  |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| ok it has occured to me that I've been talking a good deal about the fun stuff
here but I've not REALLY mentioned much of the dangers involved. Like I said once, submissives are in danger typically as they're naturally more vulnerable to sexual predators. Particularly some REALLY sadistic people that won't care if you have a safe word or if you use it. They'll flay the skin off your ass because it's turning them on and won't care about the submissive. Meeting other players is difficult and full of dangers that your average relationships don't have. (which is not to say normal relations aren't dangerous if you're with the wrong person) But in the case of BDSM where being whipped or handcuffed or physically abused isn't completely unheard of it's a little more difficult to see it coming ahead of time. Meeting other players can be managed through finding a local BDSM group in your area. There are also Leathermen Groups and other organizations that cater to BDSM players and people looking to learn more. Frequently you can find a kind intelligent person to explain things and talk to you but one must be very careful that the person isn't a real sadist that can cause real and serious physical, emotional and psychological damage. Submissives are the most easily targeted but Dominants are also at risk. There is risk that a sub they have a session with may later decide to scream rape. They then have the story of being tied up and forced to do things which you as the Dom actually DID. A court won't listen when you say she WANTED to be tied up, cut several times with a sharp knife, whipped so much her ass is red and there are welts on her skin and fucked so hard she couldn't walk the next day while her legs were being shocked with electricity. You must make SURE that your partner is someone you trust implicitly not to intentionally hurt you or later screw you over. (Last edited by Pockets on 09-21-05 07:36 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| Wow, that would be really fucked up if they did something like that. Sadly I am sure that there are some people would do that, so yeah I guess even the Doms need to be careful. I knew about the Sub's dangers, but wow... that is just... wow. | |||
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crythole Mini Octorok Since: 09-14-05 From: CA Since last post: 7000 days Last activity: 6866 days |
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| Pockets, Im glad you posted that warning also. Im letting my friend read this tonight when I see her. Its something her n I have been looking into, but neither of us really knew how to bring it up.
Ha ha, does that mean we are both submissives? Uhoh, that could be a problem......  |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 5090 days Last activity: 4607 days |
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| Jersey would this be you girlfriend or friend? Not meanin to pry or anything I just don't get how if both you and a friend were submissives that it would cause problems.
Now I have a question if you're willing to discuss it in this rather public forum. If not you can always PM me if you're willing to discuss it at all. What makes you think you're submissive? That's a difficult classification for someone to define at times. Some people are rather even others lean more one way or another and others are all the way submissive or dominant. I myself feel that I might be at least a little bit submissive but I am by far more dominant. |
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