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01-28-23 02:37 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - Debate Shrine - BDSM | |
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WhiteRose

Warrior
Sailor Delerium

Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst.








Since: 08-17-04
From: The Dreaming

Since last post: 3788 days
Last activity: 4491 days
Posted on 09-16-05 02:56 AM Link | Quote
Well, I'm a little curious, but is always seems like the dominate person is male. Is that always the case or can a female be dominate as well?
Belial

Bazu








Since: 01-29-05
From: New Zealand

Since last post: 3700 days
Last activity: 3315 days
Posted on 09-16-05 12:55 PM Link | Quote
A female can definately be dominant if the guy she is with is submissive. I seem to find more submissive guys than dominant guys.... and it's sad. If my partner is more submissive than I am, I probably don't want to date them.

Being dominant or submissive has more to do with personality than role playing. Some people have submissive personalities and others have dominant personalities. I'm one of the people who look down upon people who switch roles aand such... it feels wrong to me =/
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-16-05 02:45 PM Link | Quote
Actually overall more men are submissives than they are dominants. Unfortunately of women more tend to be submissive than dominant as well meaning there is a shortage of dominants overall for both genders.

Then we have the switch people that can be both. *shrugs* Some in the BDSM community look down on Switches as Belial mentioned but my opinion is that it's their choice to be whatever they want so as long as they're having fun and no one is getting hurt.

Submissives are in a difficult situation all around. They are submissive, meaning they're very vulnerable to predators that will just abuse and control them as opposed to love a teach them. Also as there are so many more submissives than dominants it is even more difficult for a submissive to find a healthy loving relationship with a capable dominant.


(Last edited by Pockets on 09-16-05 05:48 PM)
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-16-05 07:36 PM Link | Quote
"Especially in the case of bondage because that makes the submissive completely helpless, tied up and vulnerable so they're literally putting their own life in their partners hands. I can't think of much that's more romantic than placing that kind of trust in another person."

Hmm... never thought of that before.

Yes, all we do is technically considered lovemaking, because I have had sex with others and not enjoyed it because I feel no emotional connection to them at all. It just seems so bland sometimes.

My fiance trusts me, but I think he's really sensitive to things, such as biting. He doesn't like pain, and I do. So I have to kind of watch it around him. :/

As far as being tied up, I do think that excites him as well as me, but we don't really ever do anything like that.

Hmm... maybe I should check out that book sometimes. Sounds like it could be interesting.


As far as the "switch people" I'm definatly one of them. My ultimate dream is to be home when my fiance gets off work, and he takes me into the bedroom like he wants to show me something, then just thows me down and gags me and.... erm... hai.

Anyway, on the other hand I love being on top, holding his wrists down and telling him to shut up while I cover his mouth with my other hand. Hehe. Yay for funness.

That's surprising that men are more submissive.

Actually. Now that I think about it, no it's not. Hmm...
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-17-05 10:45 PM Link | Quote
"Yes, all we do is technically considered lovemaking, because I have had sex with others and not enjoyed it because I feel no emotional connection to them at all. It just seems so bland sometimes."

Again Evo. Just having sex or fucking can be the same as makin love if the people involved are in love with each other and care about each other. It doesn't HAVE to be the classic image everyone has of soft and gentle and soft music and candle light.

The soft and gentle could be a piece of fur rubbing over a naked and bound persons body the music could be designed to relax and the candle light could be for the hot wax about to be dripped over the submissives body.

It's still making love no matter what you're doing as long as you are IN LOVE with the person you're with.
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-19-05 02:01 AM Link | Quote
Agreed on the last part. Makes sense, I suppose.

Hmm... I need a blindfold, I like your ideas with fur and the cold butter knife. Any more for me?
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-19-05 02:09 AM Link | Quote
(posted from a PM with Evo's permission)

*walks out of room and hangs a sign on the door that reads "The Doctor is in."

*consults clipboard.* Miss. Evo? I believe it is time for you're 11:30 appointment. Please to follow me.

*Turns and leads the way into an office. Sits behind a large wooden desk and motions for Evo to take a seat in a very comfortable leather chair.*

Now. It seems to me from previous conversations that you and your fiance have slightly different views on sexual relations. This is not a problem really. It is good to add diversity to ones sex life by being open to new activities, games and what have you.

Now. You say your fiance is not one to be liking of pain? I have for you solution. Talk to him. You are liking of biting if I remember correctly. So next time fiance is kissing neck or something request he bite. After whatever activities have taken place or what have you explain biting to him. Explain feeling caused by biting explain desire for biting or being tied up and gagged as you said.

Communication is key element in any relationship but especially one that is looking to move into the realm of bdsm. Very serious that both partners knows what to expect from each other. Do not be nervous or embarassed about what you like. He should not be either. You are both intelligent mature sexually active people obviously. Is no need to be embarassed or nervous.

Share fantasies with each other. No matter how outrageous or impossible to act out share them. That is 'nother type of bonding as said about reading of book together.

Again, best advice I give you is purchase book if possible and talk with fiance. Explain to him what you would like. Make VERY sure he know it is not because you are disatisfied with sexual relationship as is. This is just something you've come across you find interesting and would like to try.

If you are patient, do not push him but talk and explain and if he is understaning and loving fiance he should eventually be willing to try something as experiment which you then discuss and move forwards if you both like or whatever you two decide.

now it seems our time is up. If you have more questions please feel free to ask I will answer to best of my ability.


"Hmm... I need a blindfold, I like your ideas with fur and the cold butter knife. Any more for me?"


Well Evo are you asking for ideas on sensation play alone or do you have more broad interests?


(Last edited by Pockets on 09-19-05 05:12 AM)
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-19-05 02:20 AM Link | Quote
Hehe, I am interested in anything and everything, really. I THOUGHT that my fiance and I had tried almost every sexual act possible, but after tlaking to you, I've realized that's probably not the case.

So if you have any thing that any of us might be interested in, feel free to let us know.
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-19-05 02:34 AM Link | Quote
well Evo again take your pick.

There's:
Sensation play
Pain Play
Humiliation
Bondage (also included, suspension, Karada, Shibari and more)
Dominance/Submission
Electro Torture
Clips and clamps
Role Play


Those are a few categories and within each category are hundreds of different ways to do things and ideas. Pick something from the list and I'll expound on it if you like.
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-19-05 02:43 AM Link | Quote
Hmmm... well... we don't have a lot of money at the moment as I just quit my job, so something that doesn't cost too much, I guess. Probably role play? That sounds fun.
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-19-05 03:13 AM Link | Quote
ok. Sensation Play, Role Play, Pain Play, Humiliation and D/s (dominance
and submission) can be cheap but if you really want to go all out they
can get a bit expensive.

Sensation play I've described before. The person does not HAVE to be tied up
or blindfolded though. There are so many different way's you can do things. It
depends on your creativity and willingness to explore and experiment.

Now pain and humiliation can sort of go hand in hand. Evo in your case if
your fiance isn't a fan of being in pain himself maybe you can train him to inflict
a little on you. That can be pinches, bites, slaps or spanks. It's entirely up to
the two of you.

Humiliation is exactly what it sounds like. The submissive being degraded
and humiliated. That can include being disciplined or punished in a public
setting, refered to by derogatory terms in bed such as slut, whore, bitch...
(note: as I am male these are all from my perspective as myself being
the dominant and a female being the submissive. It doesn't HAVE to be a
woman being degraded it can be a man.)

One VERY extreme example I read about was a woman was being punished
by her Master. She was in a bar, forced to orally please three men. She had
an anal plug in her ass with cords hanging from it like a horses tail. Her shirt
was lifted up over her breasts and no bra. Her panties were removed and her
skirt bunched around her waist with her hands cuffed together behind her
back. She was then forced by her master to walk down the side of a busy
road like that to her masters car.

Again. The above is an EXTREME example and I would not recomend it. One
reason being likelyhood of being arrested for public indecency on the part of
the sub or possible misunderstanding and charges of assault or kidnapping
being brought on the dom.

Role play is again exactly what it sounds like. The people involved talk and
decide on a scenario. One is a police oficer the other is a hooker attempting
to proposition the cop. Or a mad scientist conducting experiments on his
helpless test subject. A teacher or doctor taking advantage of a student
or patient. Part of the fun is in the planning. Talk, write things down even.
Plan out your scenario to the smallest detail, build up the anticipation
as much as possible. This has several purposes. It builds up the anticipation
of the event as well as making absolutely sure what is allowed and what isn't
from both parties. (this can get expensive if you're actually inclined to invest
in costumes ie. police uniform, hooker like outfit. Lab coat leather restraints
etc. etc. etc.)

Dominance and submission is my personal favorite. It involves again one
person being dominant and the other submissive. There are varying levels
as I've mentioned before. A light version being one night a week maybe one
person decides to be submissive and is basically at the dominants beck and
call. Or it can be largely the relationship is as often as possible dominant
and submissive.

In this there are almost no limitations. You can combine dominance and
submission with pain play or role play or humiliation or bondage or sensation
play. The dominant can grab the submissive and force her into whatever
perverted activities his mind can conjure up. Only within the limits set by
the submissive however. The submissive decides what is allowed. If anal
is not something they're going to allow then any respectable dominant will
not attempt to force such an activity


(Last edited by Pockets on 09-19-05 06:20 AM)
crythole

Mini Octorok








Since: 09-14-05
From: CA

Since last post: 6337 days
Last activity: 6202 days
Posted on 09-21-05 01:22 AM Link | Quote
ok, Im even more glad I found this board. I just wanted to say that.

I have to read this whole thread, then Ill probably be postin my own ?s
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-21-05 01:51 AM Link | Quote
Glad to have you aboard Jersey. I get the feeling there's shy people on this board that just don't want to draw attention to their own sexuality or interests. They're timid. It's good to have somebody else that's willing to further the discussion for those that just don't want to speak up but are interested.


(Last edited by Pockets on 09-21-05 06:22 AM)
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-21-05 03:18 AM Link | Quote
Hehe, yes, and you will enjoy Pockets' lessons, Jersey.

Today I let my fiance read this thread. LoL. We also had the most amazing, wild sex ever. A little personal, yes, but I just had to give props to Pockets.
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-21-05 03:24 AM Link | Quote
LOL Well I'm glad to hear I've inspired somebody Evo.

No more questions? I'm surprised at you. I was expecting you to keep me on my toes for weeks more at the least.
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 5445 days
Last activity: 5385 days
Posted on 09-21-05 03:36 AM Link | Quote
Oh I have plenty more questions, just don't know exactly what they are, lol. I'm interested in anything and everything to do with sex. Lol.... as I mentioned over AIM, I'm a nympho. I like pain, I love pleasure, I love dominace and submission.

So, if you have anything you'd like anyone to know, just keep talkin'.
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-21-05 04:34 AM Link | Quote
ok it has occured to me that I've been talking a good deal about the fun stuff
here but I've not REALLY mentioned much of the dangers involved.

Like I said once, submissives are in danger typically as they're naturally
more vulnerable to sexual predators. Particularly some REALLY sadistic
people that won't care if you have a safe word or if you use it. They'll flay
the skin off your ass because it's turning them on and won't care about
the submissive.

Meeting other players is difficult and full of dangers that your average
relationships don't have. (which is not to say normal relations aren't dangerous
if you're with the wrong person) But in the case of BDSM where being whipped
or handcuffed or physically abused isn't completely unheard of it's a little
more difficult to see it coming ahead of time.

Meeting other players can be managed through finding a local BDSM group
in your area. There are also Leathermen Groups and other organizations that
cater to BDSM players and people looking to learn more. Frequently you can
find a kind intelligent person to explain things and talk to you but one must be
very careful that the person isn't a real sadist that can cause real and
serious physical, emotional and psychological damage.

Submissives are the most easily targeted but Dominants are also at risk. There
is risk that a sub they have a session with may later decide to scream rape.
They then have the story of being tied up and forced to do things which you as
the Dom actually DID. A court won't listen when you say she WANTED to be tied
up, cut several times with a sharp knife, whipped so much her ass is red and
there are welts on her skin and fucked so hard she couldn't walk
the next day while her legs were being shocked with electricity.

You must make SURE that your partner is someone you trust implicitly not
to intentionally hurt you or later screw you over.


(Last edited by Pockets on 09-21-05 07:36 AM)
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 115 days
Last activity: 115 days
Posted on 09-21-05 02:24 PM Link | Quote
Wow, that would be really fucked up if they did something like that. Sadly I am sure that there are some people would do that, so yeah I guess even the Doms need to be careful. I knew about the Sub's dangers, but wow... that is just... wow.
crythole

Mini Octorok








Since: 09-14-05
From: CA

Since last post: 6337 days
Last activity: 6202 days
Posted on 09-21-05 04:10 PM Link | Quote
Pockets, Im glad you posted that warning also. Im letting my friend read this tonight when I see her. Its something her n I have been looking into, but neither of us really knew how to bring it up.

Ha ha, does that mean we are both submissives? Uhoh, that could be a problem......
Pockets

Werewolf
pockets








Since: 10-20-04

Since last post: 4427 days
Last activity: 3943 days
Posted on 09-21-05 11:57 PM Link | Quote
Jersey would this be you girlfriend or friend? Not meanin to pry or anything I just don't get how if both you and a friend were submissives that it would cause problems.

Now I have a question if you're willing to discuss it in this rather public forum. If not you can always PM me if you're willing to discuss it at all.

What makes you think you're submissive? That's a difficult classification for someone to define at times. Some people are rather even others lean more one way or another and others are all the way submissive or dominant.

I myself feel that I might be at least a little bit submissive but I am by far more dominant.
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