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08-10-22 05:15 PM
Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by venomouslobster
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venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-03-05 11:41 PM, in Kallisti Link
"a jug of wine, a leg of lamb and thou, beside me, whistling in the darkness"

many of you may not know me, but a few of you do. it is they who i shall count on to acclimate me to this new posting medium.

I am these things (in order)
An actor (with an emphasis on voice acting)
A Grand PsychoPomp of The Discordian faith
A very silly silly silly man
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-03-05 11:58 PM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
the fives event is coming soon!
on this cinco de mayo at 5:05 it will be 05/05/05 05:05 and the number of fives in that is five!!!! this is a major numerical event that wont happen for a 100 years!!!!

you may ask why i am so worked up over this, well not only is it cool but i am a discordian (a religion which is essentially a parody of itself) and we believe that everything comes in fives (sort of). so it is a major religious holiday for me and other discordians (in a religion that is ...well...silly)

it has also been rumored that it will be the end of the world so when the time comes you may find me on my roof with a leg of lamb and a jug of wine holding my fingers crossed for doom



(hail emperor norton "he no dead")
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 12:19 AM, in Kallisti Link
actually once i get a steady income the first thing i plan to buy is a Rosy Boa....they are really sweet little snakes...
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 12:22 AM, in i dunno Link
what use will there be in playing guitar in a desolate post apocolyptic wasteland? take battle axe lessons instead
....or skip class and get shnockered with me on my roof
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 12:24 AM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
what use will there be in playing guitar in a desolate post apocolyptic wasteland? take battle axe lessons instead
....or skip class and get shnockered with me on my roof
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 12:38 AM, in Special Day at Renaissance Faire Link
i was there too... hello....anybody...

...it is cold down here....

but seriously please, someone post my pictures!
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 12:41 AM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
yes...and i will be on my roof shouting and drunking during both of them and so will pockets....we are hardcore like that
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:00 AM, in Kallisti Link
i will! enourmously *eats lollies*
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:06 AM, in i dunno Link
i accidentaly pressed post thread as opposed to post reply ...a horrible mistake that hopefully one of the nice mods will delete...
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:18 AM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
the religion is Discordianism

it is a silly religion that is based on the worship of the goddess Eris (the greek goddess of chaos)

this exchange, transcribed from the Principia Discordia (or How I Found The Goddess And What I Did To Her When I Found Her) should clear some things up

Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POST AND SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC REPORT & POPE POOP.
GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.

GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.

GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain the meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:22 AM, in Which Family Guy character are you? Link

Which Family Guy character are you?

hooray! i am brian!
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:28 AM, in Special Day at Renaissance Faire Link
yay!

i know where you are coming from zabu, being single in the midst of a bunch of newly weds is .....awful...just awful...and it is the kind of awful because you feel guilty for feeling awful and that makes it so much worse....
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:31 AM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
no not at all ......wicca is a serious religioun based on nature and horned gods and burning candles and wearing flowers, wheras discordianism is a religion based on running around yelling BOOGA BOOGA in a bowling ally while wearing a silly hat....or anything else that pops into your head really....


THE INSIDE STORY!
The Law of Fives
The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.

The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.

The Law of Fives is never wrong.

In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."


Please do not use this
document as toilet tissue

The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
shines by day because, being a woman, it
is afraid to venture out at night.




(Last edited by venomouslobster on 05-04-05 05:21 AM)
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:38 AM, in limericks Link
This is a thread for limericks of any sort (cause i like limericks) lemme start you off


A limerick packs laughs anatomical
in a space that is quite economical
but often, it seems
they're so seldom clean
but the clean ones so seldom are comical


Their once was a girl who was chased
by a man who kept pinching her waist
so she rose with a clamour
and picked up a hammer
and beat the man into a paste!


got any more...lets hear em!

.....pockets this means you!



(Last edited by venomouslobster on 05-04-05 05:25 PM)
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 02:09 AM, in Xeo-sama bin Laden? Link
but the union dues are murder....

...no really...you have to murder...
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 01:57 PM, in are you celebrating the fives event? Link
all are welcome on my roof

and those of you who wish to learn more of the eristic movement you may read here

http://www.ology.org/principia/body.html

and i will start a discordian thread in crazyness forum as well with quotes from highly respectable things.....or whatever pops into my head
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 02:03 PM, in Kallisti Link
wow....i am famous.... YAY
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 02:10 PM, in If we, the Xeolians all met in person ... what would you do? Link
As a matter of fact i meet a few xeolians in person with some regularity.....and generally what i do is drive them around and go barhopping with them so if you live near long beach....join us
venomouslobster

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Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 02:22 PM, in HILARIOUS lip sync Link
lemme guess it is the numa numa song done to dragostea din tea...right?? i am right arent I? ......i LOVE THAT THING....it is like a cancer.....a hilarious wonderful cancer...one day all websites will be devoted to numa numa!!!!
venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5493 days
Last activity: 4742 days
Posted on 05-04-05 02:57 PM, in Discordinomicon!!! Link
THIS IS THE DEIFICATION OF MADNESS!!!


due to overwhelming interest in my Pseudo-faith i have elected, as Grand Psychopomp of the Erisian Movement, to post here for all you some of the core tenents of our madness...

(disclaimer: erisians do not take their religion seriously...infact it may or may not turn out to be a practical joke)

Some Exerpts from the PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA:

POEE
is one manifestation of
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
about which
you will learn more
and understand
less
We
are a tribe
of philosophers, theologians,
magicians, scientists,
artists, clowns,
and similar maniacs
who are intrigued
with
ERIS
GODDESS OF CONFUSION
and with
Her
Doings

THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.

KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.

III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads.

IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.

THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT
The Revelation
Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the late nineteen- fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."


First I Must Sprinkle You With Fairy Dust
Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned.
The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes. They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.

There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.

"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"

And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin- yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.


ERIS - Goddess of Chaos, Discord & Confusion
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It was apparant that their experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It was not until they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as Eris and to the Romans as Discordia. This was on the fifth night, and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:

I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.

You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.

I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.

During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, and learned that Eris or Discordia was primarily feared by the ancients as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as the principle of order.

With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:

It is called the Sacred Chao. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will find anything you like. Speak of Me as Discord, to show contrast to the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal gland.

"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"

And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be high priest of his own madness, and together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.

The law of fives

POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.

The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.

The Law of Fives is never wrong.


ON PRAYER
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood.


THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.

Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.

Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.

And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.

Do you believe that?

*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.

Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffffft!
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Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by venomouslobster



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