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| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Belial |
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Belial Bazu         Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I joke to myself that I live in cellblock E 2-2. It's a little tiny, piece of crap room. Cinder blocks on both sides and barely enough space to do anything in. So I rearranged the bed and night stand in an attempt to have more space. Now I have less desk space. Dammit all to hell and back, I need to put it back the way it was. ggrrr | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Thank you to my sister for making me an auntie yesterday!!! ^_^ | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I don't know who to talk to or what I really want (advice, motivation, encouragement… anything). Recap: I currently live in New Zealand, I'm taking four science classes: Biology of Cells, Biology of Animals, Organic Chemistry and Physics for Life Sciences. I have to pass these courses with A's to be able to get into the vet programme.
I'm not sure I am able to finish out this pre-vet programme semester. It's just way too much for me, I think. Luckily here, 51% is a passing mark. Otherwise, I'd be failing miserably. I kind of already am in physics. This is a first… I've never gotten grades so low in my life. I feel like it's too much. I think I can drop one of my classes and still be allowed to study in this country. I am thinking that one class should be physics. I'm just so stressed out, and I can't keep on top of my classes. I can't sleep, I've no appetite… I can't even focus on my textbook or study materials! It's really a terrible feeling, and all I want to do is curl up under the bedcovers and hide. I do have alternate plans of study. I don't think I can handle the stress of vet school, if I can't handle this first semester. Though I really think this first semester is insane… I somehow have to pull off straight A's to get in, practically. Who am I kidding, I'm not that… dedicated? I don't know. |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I actually made an enquiry to have a counselling session… That should be next week. I spoke with an international student support person and she suggested that I talk to the department head about more tutoring… which I would have to pay for. It doesn't seem worth it to me. The person thinks I should really try harder in the class and not drop it, because she thinks it's possible I may need it for whatever other degree programme I choose. Which I don't think I will. I'm going to talk to my academic supervisor and the financial aid lady to make sure that I can still get funding and everything if I switch my major.
Surprisingly… Moving here by itself isn't stressful or difficult for me at all. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. I had more issues when I moved from California to Northern Idaho. *shrugs* I'm weird like that. I adapted to Germany quite easily as well. America is… weird. lol. Hopefully removing physics from my life will save my sanity. Here's hoping. *raises glass* |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I'd really have to agree with Elara. A teacher really can't subdue a six year old? This is what America has come to? Afraid to discipline students because parents are money hungry bastards? It's really sad.
There is something not 'normal' with this girl if she's throwing tantrums so violently. This school she's at apparently doesn't meet her needs, and the parents of this child should seriously look into treatments and a safer environment for her (and for others). |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Fuck you you fucking fuck of a flatmate. Four in the morning and you want to hack up every bit of phlegm in your system? Followed by making a full on dinner at five AM, slamming both your bedroom door and the kitchen door repeatedly for two hours while you cook? You can't just stay in the fucking kitchen while cooking? What the fuck, dude? Have some fucking courtesy for your fellow flatmates, will you? Also, clean up the fucking kitchen when you're done. Don't leave massive amounts of food particles to rot on the counter top because you think someone else is going to clean it up. And the stove top! Don't get me started on the fucking stove top. Would you leave your mother's kitchen looking like that?!?! For fuck's sake, man. FUCK YOU. | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I've never done this whole, watch the series before reading the books… But… OMG I need to read the books.
This last episode's ending floored me. I had to look up spoilers or I'd have lost sleep. <_< >_> |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| There are a million ways to deliciously cook eggs. My favourite is scrambled eggs, salt, pepper, cheddar, sliced cherry tomatoes (cooked) and fresh spinach… mmm.. Or a soft boiled egg. Everything I'm thinking of involves toast though, and you can't have bread.. So… blah! I can't eat eggs without toast.
Have you tried having like, a protein shake instead? Some protein powder, milk, banana and some ice in a blender would be mighty delicious, depending on what brand of protein powder you go with. I've been told BSN Dessert is amazing (they don't have it here in New Zealand  )
Anyway, good on you! I've been eating and cooking for myself waayy more here than I did in the States. It's amazing how much better I feel.  |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Almond milk is bomb. I never just straight out had a glass of almond milk, but I would make drinks and food that required milk with it. I'm not a big fan of soy milk.. it's too weird for me.
Glad you're doing better! |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Sorry to bump my own thread. But I'm glad this has become a reality. But tomorrow I find out if I am staying longer than one semester. I didn't get into the vet programme, but I'm okay with that. I feel as if this adventure has brought me down another path, one that is less intense and a third the cost. Hopefully will be moving to Wellington next week, to attend Victoria University of Wellington, to achieve a bachelor's degree in marine biology, ecology and biodiversity. I want to teach afterwards... preferably at university level for awhile. Since professors are paid so well, I'll be able to pay off my debt fairly quickly.
Like I said though. Tomorrow I find out if I can get the student loan to stay. If the loan application is denied, I will be home before the end of summer. The thought of leaving here, leaving the most amazing person I've ever met has brought me to tears, every time I think about it. Since my application was denied once, it may be denied again. I'm hoping that it was denied simply because I filled something out wrong (that's what I -think- happened). Since the first got denied, I've been unable to eat, focus... all I can think about is that I might have to leave. I know many of you aren't the praying type... but any positive energy, prayers.. It would all mean so much to me. I'm not ready to go home yet. There is so much more here for me. So many ways for me to grow as an individual, finally graduate in a field I am absolutely loving. I haven't cried so hard since my father passed away, and I'm really, really terrified that I won't ever see my boyfriend again. This seems kind of like a teenager "OMG I am moving away from my boyfriend of a few months!" but it's not. I have known him for about ten years online, we met in February in person for the first time... by the end of that week we were in bed cuddling. Things have never felt so right with another person. I didn't think that the love you see in books, films, etc is real, since everything that happened with my ex-husband... But I truly feel that with him. I don't know what I would do if I had to leave him. Be like Buttercup in The Princess Bride as Westley is leaving: "I will never love again." |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I didn't get it. I'll be home mid-July. | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| It'll be about a seven month setback. I have to keep faith that I'll be back then. It didn't give specifics, just told me to try and apply with a -different- credit-worthy cosigner. The person who cosigned is the most "credit-worthy" person I know. The only other way is to have about US$15k cash. Then I could stay. | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Well, it's not America, they want the people living here to be able to afford cost of living expenses. $15k includes tuition and that cost of living minimum for the semester. I'm getting a letter that should include more in depth reasons. My grandmother is very much convinced it's her fault; that she filled something out incorrectly. We shall see. Who knows, by the end of this weekend I could be staying after all. It sucks that the only people I could consider asking to cosign are previous students that are trying to pay off their own student loans, and thus would be denied. :/ I am at an impasse. I hate this feeling.
I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest. My siblings think I'm being stupid, petty and irresponsible while they sit there in California working at a gift shop while the other does part time security. I finally told my mom that I have known my current boyfriend for ten years online before meeting him. Never have I heard my mother so shocked, yet happy for me. She seems convinced that if we had known each other this long, it's not going to end if I have to move back to the States for awhile. Edit: I accidentally a word. (Last edited by Belial on 06-15-12 05:05 PM) |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Last final (organic chemistry) the day after tomorrow.. then I dunno what's happening. Moving into the flat I originally was going to do, go to my boyfriend's.. fly home... Everything's up in the air, and at this particular moment, I don't really give a shit. | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I just... don't understand the appeal or how the flavours mesh together in any sort of good way. I know Denny's also had/has a bacon sundae... | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Since I'm a day ahead, does that mean it's today? | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| Thanks everyone.
Having a birthday in winter... is cold. Very, very cold. Not used to it. It was cloudy and rainy the whole day! Anything awesome happen..? Well.. I think so. I got to cuddle while watching DVDs, eating ice cream and had an English breakfast cooked for me. Got to spend the past 5 days with my boyfriend, just the two of us. I don't like this turning 25 business though. I feel old. |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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Originally posted by Elara I dunno about that. Is opening fire in a cinema something a sane person would do? He has also seen a psychiatrist before. There's something not right upstairs. But.. I suppose we shall see as the story unravels... |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| FUCK YOU to all of the companies that are rejecting my applications for employment. Why do you not see the potential and desire I have to work and contribute to this society!!??? | |||
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4154 days Last activity: 3769 days |
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| I've been told good things about Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, mostly when I had just left my (now ex-) husband. I wasn't even looking for a relationship then! Ugh!
I did, however meet my current boyfriend online... though it was ten years ago on a Final Fantasy XI message board (a game neither of us ended up playing, lol), so I can't give you much help on where to find someone. We just met in person for the first time last February, so we still may be some "honeymoon" phase in our relationship, despite knowing each other so well. I will say, however, that this is the best relationship I've ever been in. I feel like I'm treated like a princess, and he's always there for support and advice or a shoulder to cry on if I need it. We have never argued about anything, and rarely disagree on anything. We've even both gotten each other to try things one of us may like, and the other thought they hated. It's been amazing. So, there is hope out there. I do suggest finding a photo ASAP for your profile... Girls will be much more inclined to respond. (At least, I know I wouldn't respond, who knows, it could be some kind of creeper!) (Last edited by Belial on 07-31-12 07:53 AM) |
| Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 |
| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Belial |
