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| Xeogaming Forums - Muses' Sanctuary - Innocence Gone: The Webcomic |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\"         Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| Updated when I feel like it. The itself is still in development; I just got enough done to make it useful for what it's meant to do. Here's the link: Innocence Gone. The first comic(s) is up! Enjoy! | |||
Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy!  Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4523 days Last activity: 1611 days |
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| Ok, im sorry to say it, but I think it's crap.
To me it looks to childish, I havnt read much of the actual story line or anything, but that just makes things look bad. Not only to childish but I think your going into the anime approuch also, Like I said sorry but I think it's crap. |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\" Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| If you don't like the style we chose, I believe you can go to hell. The overall feel of the comic is not going to change for one person.
You may take your seat now, Drizzt. Next! (Last edited by Clockworkz on 01-10-06 10:08 PM) |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4535 days Last activity: 4529 days |
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| Uhh...very unique...I guess...
Even though im not in the RP...its....ai'ght |
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BBQMissile ChaoticDeath  Since: 08-16-04 From: New York Since last post: 4916 days Last activity: 904 days |
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Originally posted by Clockworkz if this is true, then this thread should probably be deleted and you should send the link to the people who you think would actually care about this comic. The fact that you posted in a PUBLIC forum means that anybody has the right to post their opinion. But the fact that you tell others to 'go to hell' whenever they do not give it a good comment probably means you aren't quite ready for any real CC. |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\" Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| I overreacted.
Nicotine first thing in the morning does that to me. Edited prior post to reduce amount of whining. |
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BBQMissile ChaoticDeath Since: 08-16-04 From: New York Since last post: 4916 days Last activity: 904 days |
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| Anyway...
I think the comic is ok. I'll try to hold back on any real CC until i see more episodes/pages. Some of the parts in the comic right now seem a bit awkward though. But the art is pretty nice. |
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream  Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1656 days Last activity: 842 days |
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Originally posted by Sparda I'll second the idea of holding back the CC, since it's starting out. Thought I will say you might want to work on adding more of a background o.O Theres not much to look at. |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4535 days Last activity: 4529 days |
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| Im not looking at the backgrounds....im looking at the much-needed emotions the characters are putting out...it seems ive seen that style of emotions on anime-web-comics multiple times. | |||
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Rauni Since: 08-14-04 Since last post: 1524 days Last activity: 1524 days |
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| Okay, Clockworkz I might give you my opinion so don't take it to extreme, alright? And the stuff I typed down isn't based on your comic. It just lack major detail.
Unlike what Sajin said, backgrounds are important to provide details of where "we" are going. If pretty much everything doesn't have a door or not a good background, we will miss out on several detail of what the surrounding is. I mean, all we saw was few characters talking to each other. That also became my main concern. You kinda jump into the plot already. Normally, you don't say like: "Operation I-Kill-People is a-go." and jump to rising action just now. It would alot easier to provide simple text detail first before you make the "Operation I-Kill-People is a-go." For example: "The year is 2252, where supernatural event occurs. Many people were transforming, other were dying. Such a world full of supernatural event were created by greedy top level government, who planned for world domination... Only few resistance groups were formed and they soon rose to power. The government saw this as a rebellion so they would stop anyone who would hinder their plan. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... until one day, that one man would strike the final blow and break free of that was taken away from many lives." I understand that the opening you made was kinda too fast paces and lacks of several detail. But for the head-up, try going into slower appoaches. This way, you can make all of your storyline fix together a little easier then having to say that there is a operation going already. It also tell the head-up and interesting introduction that could capture the thought of the event but twist it to your own liking. Get what I am saying? The introduction was too "sudden" and hard to understand of why the "operation" is taking place. |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4535 days Last activity: 4529 days |
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| I somewhat agree...im just used to too many web comics having that extra drawing on there describing how their feeling ( Sweatdrops, Angry Veins, Blushing, slit-eyes, the works...)
I think you should add emotions and a better beginning plot, like what VG said, you went to the plot waaay to quick...but I love the art though... |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\" Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| First off, I'm not remaking it. Secondly, I'm not the man to take this to. If you want things sorted out, talk to my main man Justin about the art, as he did it for that comic. My art works will be more expressive and more anime-ish, since that's apparently the kind of emotion that seems to be lacking. Keep iin mind, though; we're not shooting for an anime or manga styled comic; we're trying to go for American style, more or less. Get wwhat I'm saying? | |||
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4523 days Last activity: 1611 days |
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Originally posted by Clockworkz It dosnt look to americanish style to me...  , If your looking at american style go for the older X-Men and Superman drawings, there's nothing better than those |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 5866 days Last activity: 5131 days |
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| I think you guys are being a little harsh. I don't think it's at all bad for just starting out. | |||
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1656 days Last activity: 842 days |
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| I'll go ahead and plot out a small bit of improovement areas.
First off, I already said it, but the comic could use a little bit more flavor for the backgrounds. Too colorful of characters, so plain of background. Secondly, Beo/Shannon/whatever is right in the story part. Your jumping into it just a little. You might have wanted to delve into the plot a bit, outlining what the comic is about, with simple text bubbles, and flasy pictures. Always a great way to start a comic of any sort. Third, theres too many diffrent drawing styles floating about. You have your comic humor style (feels like that when I look at Kevin) and your overly serious version (Chaos.) (Btw, I still think Xeio's nose is freaking huge o.O ) Thats just some simple, yet straight-to-the-point views on my side. More to come as the comic progresses. |
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Rauni Since: 08-14-04 Since last post: 1524 days Last activity: 1524 days |
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Originally posted by Kaijin Surohm Hey, that should be my new username.  (and it is Shanan!)
Originally posted by Makura Makura, we are trying to help him. True, we are being harsh but if the story ended up being due because of us saying "Oh yeah, it is good" "Art is so bad-ass." and "I like the part where Kevin killed Kenny.", we are going to have a comic that have no good storyline-related and they are somewhere in 23rd Dimension (like in your dream). Make sense? There are people that feel like they need to tell to have "improvement", otherwise, the lack of improvement is going to make Innocence Gone look like it is one of "those comic" that are not fun. Originally posted by Clockworkz Maybe he meant "What I am saying is that we are trying to go for less American style."? |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\" Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| Yeah; kinda comical, but serious a the same time; kinda like Anime-wana be but it isnt; get what I'm saying? My art will be more anime-ish by comparison to Justin's art; also, this is my very first webcomic, and I probably wil make an intro page soon. Worry not. | |||
Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| It might be kinda a bad thing to have two different styles going... either way I agree that there is a distinct lack of emotions on their faces and that a bit of explaination would have been nice going in. Not bad for beginners though. Though I think my only real criticism is that saying things like "Aren Vampire House" and "Ullric Werewolf House" seem kinda lame. Just mention once before hand what each house is and then refer to them as Aren and Ullric House just like in the RP. | |||
Katana Dark Wizard \"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"  Since: 08-15-04 From: Philadelphia, P.A. Since last post: 1533 days Last activity: 1351 days |
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Okay, I'll be frank here and say that I honestly didn't really read most of these posts here. Some of them were just too long.  Gosh, now I know how I make you guys feel when reading my posts.
I never did jump on the "Innocence Gone" bandwagon...nothing against it, it just didn't really get my interest. I did like your other drawings Clockworks, and if I compare this to those, then I really don't care too much for the comic. Then again, I can't do art on the computer for beans, so yeah... I do like how you put the website together though. |
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The Accidental Protege Iggy Koopa I\"m your accidental protege... The gift, the blood, the thrownaway...\" Since: 03-08-05 From: Marching on the city of Southern Cross Since last post: 1145 days Last activity: 1145 days |
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| THe intro page that SHOULD'VE been up first is going to be up by Thursday; I'm getting my girlfirend's friend, Angi, to work on that. I'll make a link to it in the Story link, the Archives, and the front home page. Also; we need a banner that has some of the characters of the comic in it. I'm a bit tied down with Midterm Exams, so if someone wants to do that, that'd be cool. Okay, thanks, people.
Oh, one more thing... Vote for the comic here! I'd like this to move up the ranks a bit more  |
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