New link in the top of page "IRC Chat".
Register | Login
Views: 112974839
Main | Memberlist | Active users | Calendar | Last Posts | IRC Chat | Online users
Ranks | FAQ | XPW | Stats | Color Chart | Photo album
01-30-23 05:50 AM
0 users currently in Xeo's Hot Tub.
Xeogaming Forums - Xeo's Hot Tub - If the ark were built in 2005... | |
Next newer thread | Next older thread
User Post
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance

Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 99 days
Last activity: 88 days
Posted on 03-12-05 07:56 AM Link | Quote
It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States.

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications
for an Ark.Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the
earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems.

"First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

"Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.

"However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch
any owls. So, no owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had
to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union.

"Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by
an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

"Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me
that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

"Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid
paying taxes.

"I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of
user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."

"Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since
God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or
6 years!"

Noah wailed and the sky began to clear, the sun began to
shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
Slow Ride
Take It Easy

Since: 01-10-05

Since last post: 5865 days
Last activity: 5215 days
Posted on 03-12-05 08:18 AM Link | Quote
Interesting story, did you write it yourself?

And i'm gonna have to agree strongly that the government has destroyed our world beyond belief.
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance

Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 99 days
Last activity: 88 days
Posted on 03-12-05 08:32 AM Link | Quote
No, it's just a joke that's been passed around a lot.

It was too funny not to share.

Female Zombie

Since: 08-14-04
From: Passing through the stars

Since last post: 5265 days
Last activity: 4472 days
Posted on 03-12-05 12:48 PM Link | Quote
Very very funny, but the sad thing is that i can trully imagine something like that

Sailor Déesse
Mistress of Pink
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

Since: 08-14-04
From: The Moon

Since last post: 5903 days
Last activity: 5635 days
Posted on 03-12-05 03:57 PM Link | Quote
That was hilarious and so so true too. It would be a real disaster to build an ark these days so many laws and rules.
Kard Ayals
The Ultimate
Atk361 Int279
Def389 Spd281
Hit254 Res275
Shining Armor
Admin Shield
Judge Hat
Admin Shoes

Posted on 03-12-05 05:41 PM Link | Quote
Man, funny AND so true.

We must get alot of people to read this, as it is the truth!

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable

Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 117 days
Last activity: 117 days
Posted on 03-12-05 08:04 PM Link | Quote
I just find that hilarious, sad, but hilarious. I think the best part was "I sent them a globe".

Sailor Delerium

Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst.

Since: 08-17-04
From: The Dreaming

Since last post: 3790 days
Last activity: 4494 days
Posted on 03-12-05 11:07 PM Link | Quote
rofl, ok that was entertaining to read. It is rather sad and very realistic.

Originally posted by Elara
I just find that hilarious, sad, but hilarious. I think the best part was "I sent them a globe".

Yes, I'll have to agree comeplty with you on that one as well the bit about the ark hvaing to have been registered as a "recreational water craft."
Next newer thread | Next older thread
Xeogaming Forums - Xeo's Hot Tub - If the ark were built in 2005... |

AcmlmBoard 1.92++ r4 Baseline
?2000-2013 Acmlm, Emuz, Blades, Xkeeper, DarkSlaya*, Lord Alexandor*
*Unofficial Updates
Page rendered in 0.174 seconds.