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11-28-20 08:44 PM
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Xeogaming Forums - Xeo's Hot Tub - Squawks | |
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Truth/Serum

Cheep-cheep
Continued Harassment.








Since: 03-07-05
From: In pieces

Since last post: 4829 days
Last activity: 4801 days
Posted on 12-13-06 04:28 PM Link | Quote
This is what airplane mechanics call the complaints from the pilots.

Anyhow, here's a list of some funny ones I found years ago.

Squawks

Problem - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Problem - Something loose in cockpit.
Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem - Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution - Live bugs on backorder.

Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution - Evidence removed.

Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution - Volume set to more believable level.

Problem - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution - That's what they are there for!

Problem - IFF inoperative.
Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution - Suspect you're right.

Problem - Number 3 engine missing.
Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem - Aircraft handles funny.
Solution - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

Problem - Target radar hums.
Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem - Mouse in cockpit.
Solution - Cat installed.











Defect: The autopilot doesn't.
Action: IT DOES NOW.

Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative.
Action: Wound clock.

Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Defect: Weather radar went ape!
Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!


Humorously submitted,


Ryan Cunningham
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