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09-25-22 03:47 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Feeling hopeless (Long rant/call for any sort of help) | | Thread closed
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venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 5539 days
Last activity: 4787 days
Posted on 09-09-06 11:18 AM Link
there once was a king with many advisors and he asked them to find the greatest single wisdom in all the world, and so they searched for months and in time, they came to him with a golden ring, upon which were the words: In time, this too shall pass
Dirk Ralthar

Thief








Since: 07-18-06
From: Malthar

Since last post: 5342 days
Last activity: 5313 days
Posted on 09-10-06 01:51 AM Link
I know that this can be hard (believe me, I am going through a lot of the same shit myself, or something similar anyway). The only thing that you can really do though is accept the fact that she left you. Yes you love her, yes you were getting engaged, but she realized that you weren't who she wanted to be with. I understand that you can't just pretend she never existed, and that is the hardest part, try to just be her friend, maybe she will realize she made a mistake, maybe not. The most important thing is to remember that you were friends, and not let this ruin anything you had before you started an intimate relationship (forgive me if that was the wrong word to use, just seemed to fit in easiest). Other than that little advise, I can only give you my support, and I hope this all works out for you.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 19 days
Last activity: 19 days
Posted on 09-10-06 03:26 PM Link
*huggles*

Firstly, I know the feeling of having your fiancee leave you. My initial reaction to this post is thinking lower of this girl for her actions, since it seems more than coincidence that she makes up with this friend and then leaves you. However, you must also keep in mind that the way the mind of a teenage girl works makes absolutely no sense (yes, I am aware that I'm a chick saying this... it's true). Years later, they miss that "clingy" guy they had when they are dating some asshole who barely pays attention to them unless they want a blowjob. Eventually, if lucky, they find someone that will make them happy and things work out.

Getting you life in order is a good thing, and you shouldn't lose that just because of all this. Sure, I don't agree that it was good of her to say you needed to change who you were... since I don't think that anyone has the right to change who you are... but as you said, you were happy and active. You need to get back to that place. You're young, you have a good career ahead of you (at least I assume the military is providing you some decent form of education), you have a good family, and you're in good health. You have every reason to be happy. Feelings fade after time, though it may take awhile, or perhaps you will find someone new. You never know, but if you hang onto the past you will never move on, so accept it and just let it go.
Dirk Ralthar

Thief








Since: 07-18-06
From: Malthar

Since last post: 5342 days
Last activity: 5313 days
Posted on 09-10-06 10:47 PM Link
As I said before, I am more or less on the same sinking ship with you. Accepting this is not something that can be taught, but something that you come to learn (it sounds like I am talking in riddles I am sure). And letting it go isn't something that is easy to do, sometimes it is impossible to do. Sometimes it is worse to let it go than to remember it.

And I too am a romantic, which only helps when you are in a relationship... not when one comes crashing down...
Dirk Ralthar

Thief








Since: 07-18-06
From: Malthar

Since last post: 5342 days
Last activity: 5313 days
Posted on 09-12-06 12:39 AM Link
*Compationate hug.*

Shard... this is the hardest part of the whole thing. Believe me... I know as well as any. But, there will always be unanswered questions. But hope is always good to have. With hope, you have a purpose, something to strive for. There is always the possiblity things will change, the possiblity you will meet someone else... that she will change her mind about this... I hope that the future is brighter for you. Just never give up hope that things will get better, when you do, they will never get better.

You have been knocked down... stand back up, dust yourself off, and keep on living is all you can really do at this point, and what will happen will happen. Just keep faith in your beliefs... and keep hope.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 766 days
Last activity: 583 days
Posted on 09-18-06 02:51 AM Link
Hmmm...well Shard...damn...what can I say? I mean...you say you stopped being so clingy...yet why are you still refering to her as your "would be fiance?" I mean...when you say you're going to slow things down...yet still making those kinds of references...I mean maybe she got scared. Moving so fast. So much in so little time changed for you both. Maybe it turned out that she wasn't ready for it?

And I'm going to go on a whim here and say she never called you naive for being upset over her leaving...but maybe she was trying to get you to understand that you're really young...it isn't the end of the world. Might feel like it now, but it still isn't. You never know.

And I'm also positive, which I give you full credit for clarifying, that she didn't try to change who you were at all. She just pointed out various behavioral patterns that were repetitious at the time and that coincidentally, you were so depressed at that time. While my statement does seem a bit contradictory here, because at the same time, there were certain things that really bothered her, like the uber clingyness, and I guess that could have been considered part of who you were...but you also had every right to let her know things like that that bothered you.


(Last edited by Katana on 09-18-06 08:29 AM)
Rauni









Since: 08-14-04

Since last post: 756 days
Last activity: 756 days
Posted on 09-18-06 10:28 AM Link
Shard, learn to deal with it. Life isn't unfair and your "would-be fiance" might end up loving someone else. But DON'T EVER let that get to you. You need to learn to focus and say something powerful to yourself, not what she think. Sure, everyone get depressed once in a while (whether in the minority or majority of the time) but this mean you can't let some common words to push you around. However...

Originally posted by Shard
I know I'm a good choice for her. I know she was happy when she was with me. She even knows that I'd do anything for her if she asked, even now after she's left me.

Know is a way too powerful for a word. How would you feel if I "know" you were being a dick (sorry for saying that, I can't think of any more proper word at this moment.) or a guy who love to pimp around, although you feel something different? Your "would-be" fiance probably felt that you haven't matured yet and the other guy is. (Okay, that would make me immature then, again sorry.)

But just keep in mind, she probably felt that you were just "weak" in terms of emotional strength and probably would react badly enough. Hell, I thought of having Jamie or Beth (either two) to be my fiance but they are already married yet that doesn't stop me. I'll find another girl.

The point is to find another girl who you THINK, not know, will be the best for you. It is usually better off when thinking does not equal to knowing because to know is to make thing harder. To think make things easier. Of course, that would be applied only to independent thinking.

Originally posted by Shard
Right now though, it's not looking like I'll ever have another chance, and it's been becoming less and less of an option since she left me (Not that she'd say there ever was a chance, but she taught me to never lose hope. She taught me a lot and made me into who I am today, and I've never forgotten any lesson I've been taught)

"Never lose hope" is the best advice she gave you now. Think as this way, if she already love someone and crushes you, then by gosh, find another girl (hell, your dream girl to the better extent) and with your new-found experience, this make everything a lot smoother although you can't make a person feel pressured. Keep in minds that few people try to take advantage of you, you have to think "Eh, sure, she WAS nice, but she was rude to me in the end."

I'm sure she may be mad at me for this but the point is that she probably want to move on and except you to do the same. Would it feel weird that you are in love with someone since the day you were born? She probably would have.

Shard, I don't know much but you can't let thing like this get to you. There are time to move on or time to sit back and don't experience changes. (Digimon Season 1 -> Digimon Season 2 did made me cry, but then I realized that some changes made me feel like I was getting to know even more! Hell, this is the point where I feel that a new season with different characters are somewhat fun then being attached to a show I used to love dearly.)

But keep in mind that never lose hope (like your girl said), leave your comfort zone and experience a new life!
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 19 days
Last activity: 19 days
Posted on 09-18-06 04:03 PM Link
Like I said in PM's, I'm here if you need someone to talk to. But seriously, letting it rest is the best thing. Repressing, however is not. That only makes it worse.
Dirk Ralthar

Thief








Since: 07-18-06
From: Malthar

Since last post: 5342 days
Last activity: 5313 days
Posted on 09-18-06 07:58 PM Link
Elara is right... repressing it never helps... it just makes it worse down the road. Feel free to PM me as well...
Shard

Goomba
Duplicate account.








Since: 09-09-06

Since last post: 5583 days
Last activity: 5467 days
Posted on 09-18-06 09:33 PM Link
Someone delete the rest of this thread. Please, everyone who replied in here, just delete your posts.


(Last edited by Shard on 09-19-06 12:34 AM)
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 19 days
Last activity: 19 days
Posted on 09-18-06 10:53 PM Link
Okay, let me be perfectly clear. I will not delete any of my posts and you should not have either. You posted this thread because you honestly needed advice and help. It does not matter who is annoyed with you over it, you had the right to do it. There was no flaming, no naming, nothing.

If you want the thread closed and moved to trash, PM Xeo about it, since he's the only staff member currently.

As for the current fighting between the two of you. Both of you need to grow up, I'm sorry, but I'm tired of being the nice one here. Grow up, quit fighting and move on with your lives. She shouldn't be yelling at you all the time, nor should you. You shouldn't feel worthless or depressed about anything. You did the best you could, and that is all there is to it. You're human, and perfection is not attainable by humans.

If you two cannot settle your differences and get along, then quit talking to each other. No friendship is worth that much drama, especially one like this.
Shard

Goomba
Duplicate account.








Since: 09-09-06

Since last post: 5583 days
Last activity: 5467 days
Posted on 09-19-06 04:41 PM Link
You're right, we both do need to grow up on this.
But she got majorly pissed, we talked things out though, but I deleted it for her though.

I'm just done arguing. I'll deal with stuff on my own too, cuz it seems I can't come here much without pissing her off. So meh. Thanks for all the input, from all of you, it meant a lot to me.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 766 days
Last activity: 583 days
Posted on 09-19-06 06:52 PM Link
Come here all you want please. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Hell, might make it easier to start bringing up random conversation between the two of you.

And deleting posts was a little extreme. I'd say Xeo should've been PMed as well.
Xeoman

Ball and Chain Trooper
Administrator








Since: 08-14-04
From: 255

Since last post: 132 days
Last activity: 24 days
Posted on 09-20-06 12:27 AM Link
Yeah, deleting posts is just ... ugh.

I'm closing this.
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