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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - COMPETITION ENTRY: Orpheus Travels to Hades |
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FX Zombie Marco         Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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| I reattached my jaw and continued my hike through the underworld. I had to rescue my beautiful wife. She had been killed by that loathsome hunter Aristeus, who, in a primal rage chased her until she frantically fell into a nest of serpents. I found her later that day, with her tousled hair around her frail face like a halo. But by then I was too late, Hermes had already taken her down into the depths of Tartarus.
But I did not mourn for her; instead I traveled deep down to the center of the Earth to rescue her. I traveled through vast caverns, filled with falling stalactites and towering stalagmites. I traveled among many shades, but none of them were my slender Eurydice. After a time I arrived at the river Styx, it's shores crowded with recently departed souls waiting to be carried to the afterlife by the un-dead ferryman. So I waited with the spirits until a speck appeared on the horizon. The speck grew and became a man, but he was no ordinary man, for he was Charon, ferryman of the damned. He rowed his boat onto the shore. He stepped out of it and walked towards me, each step resonating through the vast caverns. With a clamor the spirits backed away from this man of death, but I stood firm. He approached me, holding his oar like a scepter. Staring with his sightless eyes, his scowl searing into me. He slowly lifted his skeletal hand, pointed at me, and uttered, "Halt. Only the dead may pass." But I was different, for I was there for love. I ignored the sense of foreboding in my gut, plucked my lyre and began to sing. I sang a song of the river, a tale of boys and men rowing through the water. This nullified him. The stupefied demon sat down, and thought of his days that had passed, days when he was but a mortal. As he sat there, I bent down, and wrenched the oar from his fist, and proceeded to row across the river of death. When I reached the other shore, the souls that had boarded with me frantically dispersed like so many seeds in the wind. I marched forward, and encountered a hideous, slavering, gargantuan beast, the three-headed sentry of hell, Cerberus. I stood next to one of his legs, like a pillar of flesh and muscle, and he bent down with one of his ferocious heads and lifted his jowls and let loose a deep growl that echoed through the halls of Tartarus. But I was not fazed. The colossal dog looked at me with bewilderment at my lack of fear. I simply unslung my lyre and began to sing a song of dogs and hunters. Of the forest and creatures that ran with one head instead of three. The beast lowered his hackles and lay down with his central head on his paws and his three tongues lolling out of his massive jaw; and he dreamt, his will to dismember gone, replaced by a look of serenity. I agilely stepped over the sleeping behemoth and entered the underworld. I walked through Tartarus playing my lyre, soothing the cries of lamentation. I passed the forever slavish Sisyphus and the tantalized Tantalus. I passed the judges of the dead Minos, Rhadamanthys, and Aeacus. I passed many shades, and they all stopped their tortures to listen. Eventually I arrived at the throne of Hades. The god of death towered over me with a look of loathing. He stood and walked down the many steps to his throne. He stopped at the bottom, looked down at me and cried, "No more cheap minstrel tricks. I am a god. My rages are not to be assuaged, nor my decrees nullified. No one comes to Tartarus without being sent for. No one has before, and no one will again, when the tale is told of the torments I intend to put you to." Once more I touched my lyre and sang a tale of a great king in love with a beautiful maiden and of his abduction of her. I sang of the despair he felt when he lost her, and the joy when he found out she had eaten the pomegranate seeds. His queen, Persephone, the maiden featured in the tale, began to cry. Hades glared at me, his eyes seething with rage. "Your tale has disturbed my wife. Speak. What is it that you desire ?” And so I told him of my plight, of how I had traveled through hell to rescue my darling Eurydice. "Fine. Your wife shall be freed, I swear on the river Styx," he bellowed, "But, to appease me, you must not look upon her until you have left my domain, or your wife shall be returned to me, and her soul forever tortured." I heartily agreed, and quickly turned around to retrace my journey. I traveled back through Tartarus, over the sleeping Cerberus, and past the still weeping Charon. All this while, not knowing if Eurydice was truly in my wake. Alas, true to my word I did not turn around. The death god had sworn by the river Styx, and that was a sacred oath for the gods. But Hades has done many things he was not supposed to, so what was stopping him now? I ignored this fear, and continued on my journey. When I was almost out, and could just barely see the light, I could not stand it any longer. I turned around and saw my beautiful Eurydice, with her pale face and large glowing eyes. We embraced. Her hair smelled of rose, and her touch was cold as ice. She looked up at me with her saucer eyes, and quickly vanished in a puff of smoke. I stood there holding the space in which she used to stand, contemplating the huge mistake I had just made. After a time, I turned around and headed back towards the light... (Last edited by FX on 08-08-06 07:03 PM) |
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of. Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 2119 days Last activity: 1360 days |
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| k...I read this and you are a plagerizing fool...write your own damn story...
you almost took it word for word from our heroes gods and monsters book we read this last year in english...with a few words changed here and there and two or three sentances added... |
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X Marks the Spot Banned. Lack of maturity Hack threats IM Harassment  Since: 10-06-04 From: Petaluma, CA Since last post: 6460 days Last activity: 6346 days |
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| Are we supposed to post in these?
I don't think we are... |
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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Okay, it is NOT plagarism
Originally posted by Elara in a PM Okay, now leave me alone! |
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of. Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 2119 days Last activity: 1360 days |
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| I am going to be posting the story in the Heros gods and monsters book here for everyone to read and compare... so dont delete this post as I will edit it with the story | |||
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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here is exactly what she said:
EDIT: fuck it, I can't get it ledgible, she'll tell you when she gets back on... (Last edited by FX on 08-09-06 05:56 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!  Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 724 days Last activity: 724 days |
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| Please stop commenting in this thread until the judges have read the story.
Please don't discuss ruling in this thread either. Also, don't post anything else in here whether its relevant or not. You have an issue or a concern, you bother the judges. Don't squabble in here. (Last edited by Zabuza on 08-10-06 04:50 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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| You said it was your adaptation of the story. I was expecting a different time period or something like that. Just shifting it to first person narration is not good enough. I will let it stay in, however know that I am sorely disappointed in you. | |||
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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| No, it is my telling of the story. Besides, the time period doesn't really matter in this, because your in hell the whole time. (Last edited by FX on 08-10-06 08:28 AM) |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 724 days Last activity: 724 days |
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| Still, it's losing points for lack of originality--as least from me. | |||
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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| Ya, I figured. I got a good idea for a modern version. But I can't get it to come out on paper well... | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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| Well, there are 6 minutes left. You better get something done. | |||
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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| No, like I said in the main thread... Oh well, I guess this is what I'm turning in. | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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Here are your results from the judges. All scores are out of 10 points possible:
Originally posted by venomouslobster Originally posted by Zabuza Originally posted by Elara (Last edited by Elara on 08-17-06 08:24 PM) |
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FX Zombie Marco Since: 03-24-06 Since last post: 3620 days Last activity: 3516 days |
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| Okay, I assume that I can respond to these? Okay.
First, I am going to ignore all comments of plagarism, we have been over this, and it isn't. Originally posted by Zabuza That would be a tense change, and would be even worse. Originally posted by Zabuza Didn't swich it, it was all italics, except for the dialogue. Originally posted by Zabuza I never bothered you about the contest. Maybe about other stuff, but never this. And, for referance, I am going to post some other reviews that this has gotten: Originally posted by Iarwana Originally posted by IreneSJ Originally posted by MaddyB Originally posted by Rhona |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 724 days Last activity: 724 days |
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| Copywrited or not, without proper citation, it's plagiarism. Calling it your own makes it plagiarism and/or paraphrasing. Adding the "Adapted by" makes it an adaptation. Switching it to first person view from third person is not a proper adaptation. Providing reviews from people we don't know whom quite possibly have no background in anything related to fiction doesn't hold much weight.
Just take your comments, and better your story. And for clarification, you did start the story un-italicized, and then broke into italics towards the middle. Also, while "unslung" is past tense, it had a flow issue. Something about syllables and tripping up the reading flow. It just didn't feel right. But, this should discourage you from writing, just be aware that we aren't the only people out there that have read over myths before. Like Venomous, I too have seen many adaptations of this myth and many others. But, yours, was just wrong. |
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