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03-28-24 09:51 PM
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Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Lover, Love thyself! | |
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venomouslobster

Scarfy








Since: 05-03-05
From: california (knows how to party)

Since last post: 6089 days
Last activity: 5338 days
Posted on 07-03-06 10:55 AM Link | Quote
in todays LA times there is an article which set my brain meats a squigglin'. It was entitled: "I love you, I hate you" (emotional extremes can thrill in books and films but in real life, low self esteem may be the cause of such rocky relationships)

It talks about how ones feelings, negative or positive, affect romantic relationships and in a nut shell it says that turbulent, emotional love affairs wherein the partners move from very positive to negative feelings about their partner are caused by low self image.

sages from time immemorial have said things to the effect of "if you cannot love yourself giving love to others will be....problematic" and it is quite true

Consider a married couple in which partner A forgets the birthday of partner B

If partner B has a high opinion of themself, then partner B is less likely to assume that parnter A forgot it because of a failing in partner B, but rather a common slip of the mind.
(also a person with a healthy self image is able to forgive mistakes in others because they can forgive the mistakes they make themselves).

also a low self esteem can cause a person to overlook egregious errors in their partner because of IDEALIZATION of their partner. If you truly believe that your partner can do no wrong, is it because you have an unrealistic idea of how you are?

i have seen many relationships rife with problems due to self doubt, wherein people blame themself, their partner, the world in general for the problems they have as a couple when the sensible thing to do would be to simply deal with it in a positive manner

i have seen relationships in which person A was engaging in TOTALLY unacceptable behavior that was outright cruel and psychotic and unfaithfull, but person B felt that "oh if I only loved them more, or if I was better as a person, maybe they wouldnt hurt me so much" and person B put up with horrific emotional abuse for months and months!

we all have our moments of self doubt where we wonder if we are "good enough" but i promise each and every one of you that if you give your self a chance, see the flaws in your self as nothing more than simple obstacles easily overcome and work to overcome them, and take the pride you deserve for doing so...then your relationships with others will reflect that pride and effort
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 74 days
Last activity: 74 days
Posted on 07-03-06 05:24 PM Link | Quote
Hmn... not sure if this should be in here or Debate, but that was a good article and makes a very good point.
Cairoi
This isn't about you and your loud mouth,
This is about me and my fucking beard.








Since: 08-29-04
From: PA

Since last post: 4610 days
Last activity: 4234 days
Posted on 07-03-06 09:12 PM Link | Quote
I've always sort of had this idea in my head, because I noticed I'm a lot more forgiving in relationships with the little things then others. Also, I have a habit of not causing drama.

Good find, VM. Glad to see others out there have the same opinion I do.
Xeoman

Ball and Chain Trooper
Administrator








Since: 08-14-04
From: 255

Since last post: 18 days
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 07-04-06 01:21 AM Link | Quote
Hmm, interesting ideas.

I can say I've heard, can't remember if they were actual facts on some random Health show I may have watched or something, but its not the greatest thing to be in a relationship with someone who has a good amout of low self-esteem.

That's pretty broad, and I'm sure most of us could say we all get stressed and maybe debressed at times over things and maybe ourselves, but yeah.

Eh, what do I know? Havven't been in a relationship yet ... bleahga.
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