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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Will Not Fix |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!          Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| [ Content Removed ] (Last edited by Stitch on 11-01-09 08:37 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 448 days Last activity: 448 days |
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| Ah, the stories of disgruntled workers are always fun to read. How long will this story be? | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| [ Content Removed ] (Last edited by Stitch on 11-01-09 08:38 PM) |
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of. Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 437 days Last activity: 266 days |
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| Heh...I like were this is going... | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| [ Content Removed ] (Last edited by Stitch on 11-01-09 08:38 PM) |
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Makura Since: 01-22-05 From: The restaurant at the end of the universe.... Since last post: 6235 days Last activity: 5500 days |
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| I didn't get to read in as great detail as I thought so i don't have much in the way of constructive criticism. The beginning does kind of seem like you don't quite know how it's going to end, but you said you'd probably re-write it. I like your characters a lot and their personalities come out in their actions, which is so difficult to master. Keep writing I think you could really perfect this. | |||
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of. Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 437 days Last activity: 266 days |
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| Cross reminds me of someone....Cant place a name on him...
Well Lee sounds good so far I will go over it again. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 448 days Last activity: 448 days |
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| Well I caught this after the chapter 3 edit, so I don't know what you took out. Other than that I think that it's doing pretty good. Though I notice that you've made the main character very much like yourself... again. Might want to work on that a bit in the future. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| No, that was the point. Cross is supposed to be like me. I just changed his name. Eventually, I'll change Anthony, Mikey and Joe. I just leave that as is so I know who I'm writing about. These are, after all, my actual ex-coworkers at Activision. I just used another coworker's lastname and changed my name. So, Cross is me. We did have a reject table. And day crew did get something that was better than the night and graveyard shifts. Only difference is, we didn't actually do anything that harsh to day crew.
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 448 days Last activity: 448 days |
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| Ah, I see... well now at least I know which company this one was. For a bit I though you were setting it at your current job. But yes, do continue. | |||
Captain Jack Sparrow Newcomer Since: 12-15-04 From: Inside my head Since last post: 7007 days Last activity: 7007 days |
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| I didn't have time to read the whole thing, but I read the first chapter. It needs a little work in the wording of the first chapter because it's a little difficult to follow which character is doing what. Maybe you should try just concentrating on Cross and writing from his perspective--in a third person omniscient way--instead of trying to do the omnipresent/omniscient view of all four characters.
Or, just try a better rewrite. Good story so far. I promise to read the rest. ^-^ *hugs*  |
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go soshi Newcomer  Since: 12-29-07 From: Cali Since last post: 6520 days Last activity: 6472 days |
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| yo lee...
big up on the story...it brings back good memories of activision... the name is tight too...the main character having my last name n all... keep em up, im starting on howard now. stop by my myspace sometime and check my new music out http://www.myspace.com/gososhi |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| I'm entering a revised version of this story for NaNoWriMo 2009, so I've tentatively removed it from here. It is available on Smashwords if you're interested. | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 448 days Last activity: 448 days |
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| How goes the revising? | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 1282 days Last activity: 1282 days |
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| A little better. Chapter seven will probably be chapter two after I finish NaNo (it's wonderfully descriptive), but I'm still way behind goal on NaNo itself. I've got two days to write 35,000 words. I think I can do it, but most of that will probably be scrapped, or I'll never touch Final Regression again. Doesn't matter to me, I like Juice a lot more.
It's still up on Smashwords, though. Link is in the last post from me |
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