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11-29-20 09:27 PM
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Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - darn it! (relationship thing) | |
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Van Rhanell

Missile Bot








Since: 08-15-04
From: Fraser, Michigan

Since last post: 4892 days
Last activity: 4895 days
Posted on 12-04-05 09:11 PM Link | Quote
The girl I've been with for about 2 months has self-destructive tendencies, is bisexual, mildly anorexic, submissive, no sense of meaning in life but feeling happy, and almost became an alcoholic. Besides that she's a very cute and a wonderful person. There have been two main fears I've had about her. Those would be either that she stopped liking guys or go through life with her current mindset, wanting to do nothing with her life. I told her how painful it is for either of these things to happen, and she just said how much she didn't want to hurt me and that she was sorry. Today, she called me and said we should break up, saying we were too different. I might not look at it this way later, but she seems to think that the only way I can stop feeling bad for her is to disconnect herself and not be as close, though my stress would be relieved if she changed for the better in the smallest way possible. I'm not going to feel well for a while, and probably cannot keep a dry face when I se her in person. A really bad way for me to start winter.
Evo

Red Super Koopa
Watching you fall brings joy to my heart....








Since: 08-16-04
From: Oregon

Since last post: 4656 days
Last activity: 4596 days
Posted on 12-05-05 06:39 AM Link | Quote
I'm sorry, hun.
1) Why was she self-destructive? What was it in her life that made her want to hurt herself? A lot of times, people just need to be able to talk to someone about what's really bothering them. When I was with my first real love, The relationship became strained and I felt that he didn't listen, appreciate, or basically do ANYTHING that a boyfriend/girlfriend should do. I became suicidal, or at least self-destructive when I got frustrated at him for not listening. All I really wanted was for him to sit with me and talk. For SOMEONE to be able to listen and talk with me woudl have made it so much better.

2) Bisexual. A LOT of females use this term to try to turn on the guys they're around. She may or may not be truely bizexual. Either way, when you showed concern rather than excitement at this bit of information, you may have upset her. She could have just been saying that to get your attention, or maybe she truely is bi. No real way to tell until she does stuff with other females. *shrugs*

3) anorexic to the point that she doesn't eat? How often does she eat? And does she admit to being anorexic? A lot of anorexic people won't admit to it, and if she does, maybe she's concerned for her own health. Again, this is where you need to step in and help her. Talk with her and figure out a way you can get her to eat more. Maybe more meals a day, or maybe just a little bit more to eat with each meal. Which ever would work for her.

4) Submissive? A lot of people are naturally like that. After my relationship with my abusive ex ended, I would flinch when a friend raised a hand. On reflex. Nothing but a lot of love and care took that reaction away from me. I don't even think twice about a raised hand now.

or submissive in bed? If that's the case, there's nothing wrong with that. If you, too, are submissive, you need to figure out some stuffs with her.

5) I don't get this phrase "no sense of meaning in life but feeling happy." She's happy, but that's bad. You guys are young. There's no reason to be stone-cold set on the meaning of life and understanding the "master plan" and knowing "God's Will" or whatever. As you age, you will discover lots more, and it will become clearer. I have PLENTY to still learn, but I have discovered that I learn more about life every day.

I know you said you two broke up, or at least she called to break up with you. But she needs SOMEONE. Be there for her as a friend, and try to talk to her. It sounds like that's what she really needs to me. Don't try to pressure her with religion or any of that really heavy meaning of life bullshit. Just see what's been on her mind. What has been hurting her so much mentally that she would want to hurt herself physically?

I'm gunna shut up now.
The Magical Being

Merchant








Since: 11-02-05
From: Wisconsin

Since last post: 5454 days
Last activity: 5440 days
Posted on 12-24-05 12:14 AM Link | Quote
I think she need's time to understand herself . She has to figure out how to cope with some of the disorder's that she has . Noone can expect her to change nor can they change her . She has to do this on her own . When she comes to term's with everything and find's happieness in herself you should contact eachother . If you care for her as much as you do I think you know you have to let her go . You just have to hope for the best . She will come back when she is ready . If rehab/counseling end's up in this picture you should be there as a friend . Whether it is writing letter's or visiting during apropriate hour's . I hope you get through this as well . *sigh*
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