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07-04-22 07:47 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - General Chat - The crazy sorority e-mail | |
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Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 31 days
Last activity: 11 days
Posted on 04-22-13 04:47 PM Link | Quote
This is good for a laugh.

So this e-mail goes out to a bunch of Delta Gamma sorority sisters at the University of Maryland:


If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.


Source

The one who sent it is identified as Rebecca Martinson, known for writing some heinous Twitter posts.

Why should you care?

Well, you shouldn't really care about what some overprivileged twat writes, but why is this relevant, you ask?

Because this shit is spawning hilarious dramatic reading videos.

My favorite being Michael Shannon (who plays Van Alden on Boardwalk Empire):
Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon


(Last edited by Rogue on 04-23-13 11:54 PM)
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 968 days
Last activity: 89 days
Posted on 04-22-13 05:30 PM Link | Quote
I fucking lost it when she said, "I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event..."

She does bring up good points, however. If you're going to represent your chapter, don't cheer on the other team and don't be a boner. Harsh words, yes, but hilariously so.
True Flight

The One








Since: 08-21-04

Since last post: 2030 days
Last activity: 2015 days
Posted on 04-22-13 06:12 PM Link | Quote
It made giggle. I love it. Sororities at their best... ahem worst.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 11 days
Posted on 04-23-13 11:47 PM Link | Quote
I personally lost it at "cunt punt"... seriously, wow, lol.


But yeah, shit like that is why I never bothered with sororities.
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 31 days
Last activity: 11 days
Posted on 04-24-13 09:19 PM Link | Quote
test123
Newcomer








Since: 04-25-13

Since last post: 3356 days
Last activity: 3356 days
Posted on 04-25-13 07:36 PM Link | Quote
what the
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 11 days
Posted on 04-26-13 10:18 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Rogue



This^

That made my fucking day.
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 31 days
Last activity: 11 days
Posted on 05-09-13 03:26 PM Link | Quote
What if Morgan Freeman read the e-mail (it's just a really good impersonator, but still... FUCKING GOLD):
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