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Xeogaming Forums - General Chat - "What Happened to all the Nice Guys"? | |
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True Flight

The One








Since: 08-21-04

Since last post: 2175 days
Last activity: 2160 days
Posted on 01-21-09 09:47 AM Link | Quote
"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST


I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy


Ouch... but true.

Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 52 days
Posted on 01-21-09 04:55 PM Link | Quote
Burn!!

And it is true.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-21-09 06:17 PM Link | Quote
Why is it so hard for so many to see?
天国JOE

���A�ǂ��ɂȂ�̂���낤�H








Since: 09-02-04
From: Destroy Tower

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2664 days
Posted on 01-21-09 06:20 PM Link | Quote
The trick is to be the hybrid of a nice guy and a jerk.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-21-09 06:40 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Poli T
The trick is to be the hybrid of a nice guy and a jerk.

If you're going to be a jerk, don't be serious about it at least. Wimmenz are people too! Also, treat your girl as a friend, but not as a guy friend. Come on, if you plan on spending your entire life with her, she had better be your best friend! Treat her like one!
Ryan

Ptooie
Is back!









Since: 10-01-04
From: Stafford, UK

Since last post: 3917 days
Last activity: 3877 days
Posted on 01-22-09 02:57 AM Link | Quote
I was discussing with a friend only yesterday about how jerks > nice guys in a woman's eyes, and it all seemed to focus around genetics, back in the time when we'd be in packs.

Jerks a seen as more confident, more dominant, the alpha male. The women want to be with that male, so attention is turned to them. In turn, the nice guys are left unnoticed.

天国JOE

���A�ǂ��ɂȂ�̂���낤�H








Since: 09-02-04
From: Destroy Tower

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2664 days
Posted on 01-22-09 11:41 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Valhalla
Come on, if you plan on spending your entire life with her, she had better be your best friend! Treat her like one!
Whoa whoa whoa, slow down your horses, mister. 'Entire life' is a long time.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-22-09 10:06 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Poli T
Whoa whoa whoa, slow down your horses, mister. 'Entire life' is a long time.

Well, speaking of the ones that are in it for a long run of course.

You have to admit, there are a lot of people who pretty much hate each other who marry just to try to solve their problems, which never ends up working. It just infuriates me, is all.
Cyro Xero

Rune Mage

Rave Atom








Since: 02-23-05
From: Minnesota!!

Since last post: 2110 days
Last activity: 2023 days
Posted on 01-24-09 12:03 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Poli T
The trick is to be the hybrid of a nice guy and a jerk.


You're quite a bit correct right now. Women, especially younger women, are attracted to men who expel confidence and seem to know what a good time is. You can't really blame them for that, because at that age all they're interested in is a good time. But then it sucks too, because the "nice guys" who try to get with them eventually disappear over the years and turn into more assertive people who then get with other women who actually give at least a LITTLE bit of shit about them. By then it's too late. They want fun and someone who entertains them. I'm witnessing this right now, because as I'm typing this right this very second, there's a woman I used to work with, but am still friends with (sort of) who lives in the same barracks as I do (1 floor exactly below my room. We're in the army) who is fucking a guy in the barracks right across from me as I speak. I'd say 25 feet. His room is right across from mine I can see his window, and if the shades weren't down I'd be able to see them doing the horizontal mambo. I was out with her and a few other people tonight at the bars. I'm usually the watchdog of our "group", making sure nobody stays out past curfew here or goes home with the wrong person, even as drunk as I can get. I'm her friend, but that's as far as she see's it and as far as I know it'll ever go. There's no way she'd ever go for me, in my opinion. The same goes for the other female I' hang out with once in a great while. I could change my attitude and style or whatever, but haven't done so. But it's clear to me what how that shit works with them. I don't provide enough entertaining conversations and funny/interesting stories to get them to be interested in me beyond "friends". I know exactly how the shit works with women, probably more than they realize themselves, since it's slightly an unconscious thing for them, because I don't give them that "awesome guy to be around" persona.

And what a lot of it comes down to, not all, just a lot, is communication. If you don't provide good communication/vibing skills with somebody then you can expect to be on his or her friends list for quite a while. It's even true for people who are already in relationships. It's how some break apart. Poor communication. I'm sad to admit that when it comes to socializing I do very bad at it. Even when I've had a few drinks in me, it takes somebody to COME UP to talk to ME for more than just one sentence or question (which RARELY happens) before I begin to gab away. So that's what it's about. The "nice guys" may talk to them, but a lot of it has to do with them saying the wrong things to get the girls to see them as more than just friends. The rest are bits and pieces that score major "pull her hair from behind" points that guys need to learn about and sharpen up.
I'll say this twice: women want men who are and act like men.

Again, women want men who are and act like men.

That means they want the masculinity that comes with the male sex gender. Thus, it's why a lot are attracted to the assertive/agressive assholes. Because a lot of men, like most do, seek power. To women, power is a very strong aphrodisiac. Any of this make sense? I typed this sobering up from a night at the bars...
Lord Vulkas Mormonus

Vile
High Xeodent of Xeomerica.








Since: 10-29-04
From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way

Since last post: 1796 days
Last activity: 877 days
Posted on 01-27-09 09:58 AM Link | Quote
I'd just first like to say that in my experience with dogs(my family bred them for several years), the alpha male was usually strong and confident, but still quite often a nice dog. Assertive, and definitely in control, but kind to even the least of the dogs.

The middle class dogs were often the ones who got competitive. They fought, they were aggressive, and were generally not very pleasant to each other.

Then there was the lowest dog. In a wolf pack I believe that it's often called the omega wolf. This dog is timid, not aggressive, and rarely physically strong. They would often be treated badly by any but the pack leader, and generally didn't live too happy of a life. They are, however, also very sweet and gentle dogs, an ideal pet for most people.

Take from that what you will, but I think that humans are pretty similar.

Now, on a different note, I admit, I'm usually a nice guy, but I'm not exactly at the bottom of the pack. The key is, be nice, but be confident and assertive. A few years ago, I shocked a bunch of people by pushing someone up against a wall and shouting at him, because he had stolen a friend's water, and that friend had to leave for an overnight camping trip immediately. That's definitely not usually a nice guy trait.

However, despite that, I've almost never turned down a request for help. Whenever someone needs something, I'll act, and I'll get it done.

That sort of attitude has been very helpful for me. While I'm not exactly a super hero as far as girls go, I do pretty decently. I know of a few girls who wouldn't mind having me as more than a friend, and most people I know generally think well of me.

In other words, the only way to actually be successful with girls, in my opinion, is to be nice, as nice as possible, but also confident and assertive. Treat them well, but be stubborn enough to show that you're unique.

Anything else I think was summed up pretty well by Cyro.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-27-09 03:40 PM Link | Quote
I know that this very well may be a bit off topic, but women also look for a more feminine-faced man and there is some reasoning behind this. Think of the typical "badass". He's probably got scars, tattoos and drinks heavily. Now think of the soft faced "nice guy". He probably has baby-butt-smooth skin and has never been in a fight.

The reasoning: Who do you think will live longer and provide better for the woman? This isn't always the case, however, as most younger women would prefer the "badass" sexually over the "nice guy" and the nice guy is usually taken by the time the badass phase is over.

This is based off of a study I saw on the Discovery channel approximately a year ago, by the way.
Cyro Xero

Rune Mage

Rave Atom








Since: 02-23-05
From: Minnesota!!

Since last post: 2110 days
Last activity: 2023 days
Posted on 01-28-09 05:01 AM Link | Quote
Link to possible Discovery article?
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-29-09 06:44 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Cyro Xero
Link to possible Discovery article?

I'll try to find it. As I said, I saw it on TV. I actually hope I can find it so I can watch it again, it was really interesting.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 52 days
Posted on 01-29-09 12:39 PM Link | Quote
So are you saying that based on the study girls like baby-faced guys or scarred guys?

I like facial hair myself... just putting that out there. Nice goatee or something like that, but only if it looks good on the guy.
Cyro Xero

Rune Mage

Rave Atom








Since: 02-23-05
From: Minnesota!!

Since last post: 2110 days
Last activity: 2023 days
Posted on 01-30-09 12:08 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Cyro Xero
Again, women want men who are and act like men.

That means they want the masculinity that comes with the male sex gender.



Facial hair is one of the masculine things about men.
天国JOE

���A�ǂ��ɂȂ�̂���낤�H








Since: 09-02-04
From: Destroy Tower

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 2664 days
Posted on 01-30-09 04:22 AM Link | Quote
Which is why I make sure I have a pioneer's beard at all times. Girls love that sort of rugged outdoors "fightin' off bears and taking advantage of indigenous peoples to scope out lands for my fur trading company" look.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 01-31-09 11:19 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Elara
So are you saying that based on the study girls like baby-faced guys or scarred guys?

I like facial hair myself... just putting that out there. Nice goatee or something like that, but only if it looks good on the guy.

I wish I could find the source, but it basically ran along the lines that women find better survivability of a possible long term mate when their facial features hold feminine qualities.
insectduel

Medicine Melancholy
My life may be lonely sometimes, even with my beloved family.








Since: 02-16-07
From: Hunts Point Bronx, New York

Since last post: 1931 days
Last activity: 1889 days
Posted on 02-01-09 05:27 PM Link | Quote
Think about it.

People think I'm perspective and handsome.

It's hard to get girls other than I had from my job these days in real life.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 52 days
Posted on 02-01-09 05:42 PM Link | Quote
Ah, I see... lack of scars=less likely to get killed. I can understand that.

And honestly, I like facial hair not because it makes them look rugged or some shit like that... I like scratching them under the chin and playing with their beards/goatees. A lot of men react like cats when you do that to them, closing their eyes and tilting their chins up so you can do it better, and that amuses me greatly.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 1113 days
Last activity: 234 days
Posted on 02-01-09 10:31 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Elara
Ah, I see... lack of scars=less likely to get killed. I can understand that.

And honestly, I like facial hair not because it makes them look rugged or some shit like that... I like scratching them under the chin and playing with their beards/goatees. A lot of men react like cats when you do that to them, closing their eyes and tilting their chins up so you can do it better, and that amuses me greatly.

I can't help it, the same thing happens to he, haha.

Beards for the win!
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