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12-02-23 12:53 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - COMPETITION ENTRY: Bloom | |
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Since: 01-22-05
From: The restaurant at the end of the universe....

Since last post: 5531 days
Last activity: 4796 days
Posted on 05-01-08 05:29 PM Link | Quote
EDIT: Story Deleted

(Last edited by Makura on 07-12-08 11:49 PM)

Zombie Marco

Since: 03-24-06

Since last post: 3474 days
Last activity: 3370 days
Posted on 05-02-08 01:39 PM Link | Quote
Creativity: 9/10
Overall: 47/50

Everything was well developed, as usual. It holds your attention throughout, and leaves you stunned at the end, which is really something every author aspires to do. Even better than your entry last year. Keep up the good work.

(Last edited by FX on 05-02-08 02:34 PM)
This isn't about you and your loud mouth,
This is about me and my fucking beard.

Since: 08-29-04
From: PA

Since last post: 4492 days
Last activity: 4116 days
Posted on 05-02-08 07:31 PM Link | Quote
Creativity: 9/10
The repetition and synchronization of feeling, the way you wrote was very creative and fresh. It was very poetic.

Spelling and Grammar:18/20
Noticed a few errors here and there (example:the boy could here his father). Some sentences felt weird going down.

Very good, fleshed out characters. A bit too typical, but still real.

It was very new for you to implement historical fiction, but in the case of the time period, you used the two most publicized events, and almost stereotypically.

Overall: 44/50

You're an amazing writer, Makura.

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable

Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 423 days
Last activity: 423 days
Posted on 05-09-08 01:02 AM Link | Quote
Honestly, I found it interesting but at the same time as soon as I read the first part I already had Eli Wiesel's Night in mind. I guess I feel that you could have been a bit more creative there, the Evan character was more original. The descriptions were good, as they usually are with your writing, and I noticed the same little typos but nothing major. To tell the truth, I think your entry last time was better over all, though I really like the concept of this one with the comparison of D-Day and a Concentration Camp. A great job!

Creativity: 8/10
Spelling: 9/10
Grammar: 9/10
Character: 8/10
Plot: 9/10 (I feel the use of these events is timely given the anniversary of Israel's founding)

Total: 43/50
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