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01-15-21 12:35 PM
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Xeogaming Forums - Debate Shrine - Online dating. | |
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Kyoku kun

Phan Phan
Where in the world in Aurora the Explora? Currently California!

Since: 06-19-06
From: Northern California

Since last post: 3363 days
Last activity: 2990 days
Posted on 09-12-07 02:07 AM Link | Quote
This is a paper I had to do, so I decided why not post it here?

Well, lets see..
The only relationship I have ever been in was with a guy named Kevin, who was a friend of a friend. Just that made it a whole lot easier because I didn't have to worry about him being a 30 year old pervert..
I talked to him online over the weeks and we got to know each other, then we met and continued the relationship from there. (It only lasted three days, but that didn't have to do with either of us, or the fault of the internet)

I hadn't had hardly any experience with relationships in general, so I decided to talk to my friends (both online and offline) of what they thought of this. One of the people, actually is in a online relationship so I was particularly curious to hear her opinion.

Most of my friends didn't like the idea of online dating. The main reason being it is quite hard to get proof that the person is who he/she say they are.

I will quote the experienced person: "well a pro, is that once the two [that are] dating have moved in together then their relationship will be able to weather just about anything. A Con is you can't see them all that often. Another pro is that if it works then it guarantees a very strong relationship because in order to keep an online relationship you need a lot of trust and patience.
Another con is that both people need to be able to get absolute solid proof that, the other is what they say they are."

I agree with her in most ways, and I think if you are truly committed to work on the relationship then it might work out. Though, as my other friend says "you don't get the [experience of talking to the person in person] and it's easier to tell the other person's emotions in real life.

What do you guys think?


Since: 10-19-04

Since last post: 3768 days
Last activity: 1917 days
Posted on 09-12-07 02:28 PM Link | Quote
that's what microphones and webcams are for.... then do a live chat between the 2 people and you've got your proof.

I'm not a big fan on online relationships but that doesn't mean they can't work. People just need to be careful of what they do and say to people they meet on the internet.

Is back!

Since: 10-01-04
From: Stafford, UK

Since last post: 3237 days
Last activity: 3198 days
Posted on 09-13-07 02:29 AM Link | Quote
Well I've heard of people that have met on online games, so they must work sometimes... It's just a little dangerous. Personally, unless I'm certain I know who I'm talking to, I wouldn't even dream of online dating. Not much of a risk taker.

Since: 12-31-69

Since last post: 18642 days
Last activity: 18642 days
Posted on 10-02-07 09:57 PM Link | Quote
The problem with online dating sites, is that it's a bit of a last resort to a lot of people that are desperate for companionship, but unable to attain it through conventional methods. The only people you'd find on an online dating site are those that can't get a date normally.

Everyone that I've ever met, that has had a long and wonderful relationship, met entirely by accident, in a place where they weren't expecting to find love. If you're actively looking for love, then you're doing it wrong.

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable

Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 13 hours
Last activity: 13 hours
Posted on 10-09-07 08:54 PM Link | Quote
Well, to be honest I've yet to see an online relationship that has worked for more than a few years. It is easy to grow distant or to lie to other person and it just ends up failing.

I've only been in one online relationship, it lasted a few months. Even if they aren't lying about their age they can be hiding the truth about many other things.
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance

Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 11 hours
Last activity: 11 hours
Posted on 10-10-07 01:07 PM Link | Quote
I've heard about successful online relationships--couples who are happily married and so on. I have yet to know any of them personally, though.

Here's my experience with long distance/online dating. Right after I'd just turned 14, I met this 16-year-old guy in a chatroom (back when chatrooms were still people having conversations and flame wars and not just spam fests for porn sites and most of the guys in there are trolling for something more than talk). We got to talking over IMs and really got into each other.

Problem was, I gave him a fake name when we first met. My parents insisted that if I'm going to use the Internet for anything I must NEVER use my real name. On top of this, because I was tired of getting called names for being younger than the average there, I claimed to be 16 (not much of a stretch considering I used to also claim I was 22 and no one ever doubted that). I figured since I live in California and he lives in Texas, and that it was the Internet for crying out loud, I could always just break things off simple as that by deleting my screen name. Didn't think it was going to get very far.

Eventually we started talking on the phone more often and he asked me out a month into our interlude. Amused and not wanting to hurt his feelings, I said yes.

As time went on, about a year into the relationship I finally told him the truth about my name and age. He forgave me and then started asking me in conversations if I would ever marry him. Again not wanting to hurt his feelings, I said I might in the future.

He came to visit during the summer, about the year and a half mark, and we were completely inseparable. Then he gave me a ring. Didn't get down on one knee, just gave me the ring and said he'd do a formal proposal at a better time.

I came out to Texas to visit him for that Christmas and that was the last time either of us saw of each other for 2 years. The relationship had begun to dwindle in my eyes around the 3-year mark. Our 6-hour long talks on the phone became 5 minute chat every day that were simply, "Hey, what's up? Oh, okay. Well I have to go. I love you, bye!"

A month before our 4-year anniversary I broke it off after a lot of prodding from a friend who'd also been hinting that he wanted to go out with me. My friend Emily was so upset that I ended the relationship without any remorse (also because she was using me as her shining example since her own boyfriend of 3 years had gone on a tour of duty 2 years prior and she needed someone in a "successful" long-distance relationship to make her believe it could work for her).

Despite my now-ex's tearful phone calls that usually had him saying, "If I love you and you love me, why aren't we together?" I never felt any need to return. What made the farce worse was his insistence on coming to visit me and maybe things would work out. When he got here, the distance between us was so vast in terms of our relating to each other that it was ridiculous. Even Emily finally realized that I just didn't love him or want to be with him any more.

Now, what does this all have to do with online dating? The differences between that and dating someone you can see when you want to (or at least someone who can call and not get too raped for long distance charges) are very, very different.

With online dating, it's very easy to grow apart. Example: with a non-long distance relationship you can go places with the person and make friends with and hang out with their friends and so on and so forth. You're growing together, seeing the same things, the same people and going through the same times. With a long-distance/online relationship, you both are having two different views of life and people because neither of you are in the same place the other is. One person's city could be going through a flood or some sort of crisis and the other person who's town is fine isn't going to know what it's like and is going to grow differently in thoughts and ideas.

OK, not sure if that made any sense. One person's going through a crisis while the other's trying their best to impart their understanding of the situation, but they wouldn't truly know since they aren't going through it.

What's more, with online dating it's so easy to seem more suave or charming than you really are because you have practically an eternity to come up with a response to something the other person says. That's not a REAL conversation where you'd have to think on your feet. You can't just pull up a dictionary or a website and pull together the best response you can. They aren't displaying who they really are, how they really talk, and thus are cheating themselves out of what could have been.

Now that it's been almost 5 years since the online guy and I broke up where are we now? He has a daughter with the girl he got with right after we broke up and I'm dating someone who's practically living with me these days. We're much better people with those who are with us now as opposed to being with people from which we are still apart.

Are there any regrets about dating someone online and for that long? A couple weeks after our break-up he'd mentioned that the reason he'd been going to school was to get a better job for when we got married and he'd been saving his money for us. Think of all the money he was saving from 4 years of not taking a girlfriend out places or paying for dinners and what have you (not to say that I don't pay for myself, but you get the point). Not only was he doing well in school (and has since gone on to get a degree and a decent job), but he had quite a bit set aside for his life ahead and I'm quite proud of him.

I don't recommend online dating, but for those in relationships, I do say that they can work, just if you put the effort in keeping them working.

(Last edited by Rogue on 10-10-07 04:31 PM)


Since: 03-04-07

Since last post: 3993 days
Last activity: 2678 days
Posted on 10-10-07 06:25 PM Link | Quote
Could have sworn I responded to this yesterday but I don't see my post.

Condensed answer: online dating works best when the people meet.

I've met many people online, from the strangest places. All of them resulted in happy and fun memories. I still keep in touch with a few of them.

If it never leaves the virtual, there is no point.

You never know when destiny may have plans for you set up on the other side of the monitor.
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