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03-29-24 09:01 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - Hyperbolic Time Chamber - (s)ex- ex? | |
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nuit

Goomba








Since: 03-04-07

Since last post: 5162 days
Last activity: 3847 days
Posted on 07-22-07 11:38 PM Link | Quote
Is my brain making things more complicated than they really are?

I will be the first one to say that love doesn't exist, that it is a creation of our mind to give meaning to something that inherently has no meaning. HOWEVER, if such a thing as love existed, it was what I would have felt and shared with the girl who left me a couple weeks ago (this 4th of July was by no means "Happy").

So, everyday was a battle of deciding to get our of bed or not, and trying (with no sucess I might add) to keep from bursts of crying. I couldn't stop hearing all the words she spoke to me when we first met, and how it was all lies in the end. Without going into much detail I will say this: say what you will about love, but what hurts the most is being kept in an illusion, and being fed lies everyday, and ultimately having trust broken. She caught me in a spell that weakened me and made me actually trust someone. Even now, I don't understand why she really broke it off, it doesn't make any sense to me if she is really being honest about it.

In a strange turn of events, I have recently bumped into and began talking to Emma, an ex- ex of mine, if you will. And by talking, I mean having sex... quite often (or "catching up," as she puts it), and enjoying every second of it. Then something odd happened. I began to forget Candice little by little each day, enough that, it almost doesn't hurt anymore.

This is where my mind starts to complicate things. I should state that Emma is a strange one. She was both the beginning and the end. Before I became the cynical being everyone knows and loves, I was completely what many would call "in love" with this girl. Regardless, I was kind of a jerk to her. Risking looking bad for the sake of honesty, I never really put her first. My friends were... and to a certain extent still are. And when I ended the relationship with her, I had done something much worse than anything Candice ever did to me. Emma flipped out, and all I did for a long time was try my best to avoid and ignore her. From the small contact I had kept with her, her life pretty much went in a downward spiral afterwards. After some time had passed and moments allowed for reflection, I always regretted doing what I did to her, and was torn between making it up and just avoiding her altogether. Now, everytime we have our 1 on 1 bedroom moments, it feels like I am making it up to her in some small part.

So, she's single (and has been for quite awhile as I gather). She looks a bit different than last I saw her, but for the most part is pretty much the same person. But she's not as meek as she used to be, and is very passionate about the things she talks about, very on-point and persuasive (whereas I remember her as not really having an opinion on anything). She also has a very good job, much better than mine anyways. I still live at home, and even though she still lives with her mother, she pretty much pays the rent. In other words, since the many years our paths have seperated, she has grown up, and I haven't.

Now here I am: I am probably living every guy's dream by having a friend with benefits... but it terrifies me. I don't know, and can not tell if Emma still feels anything for me, if all these fun and games are just a set up to try to get back together with me. She hasn't made it seem so yet, but I do know her as someone who bides their time to do things at "the right moment." Also, I am deathly fearful of bringing up the topic and ruining a friendship, then being doubly lonely. So do I just go with the flow and hang on to the hope of Candice wanting me back? Does spending so much time with Emma hurt my chances of getting back with Candice? Even then, I wonder, if she did want me back, if it would actually be best to reject that and take some single time as a chance to grow, as Emma has exemplified for me. What if Emma shows interest in starting a relationship? I swore by every bone in my body to not let that happen, but even then, I am not 100% opposed to the idea now (I'm curious to see what it would be like to be with a stable person, so sue me).

Should I just ask one of my pot-smoking acquaintances hook me up, try an illegal drug I think should be legalized for the first time, and just chill out, to see everything isn't as complicated as I'm making it. Sorry for posting my life story, but I am hoping to get some advice from someone "who's been there."


(Last edited by nuit on 07-23-07 02:42 AM)
Bitmap

#1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt








Since: 09-05-04
From: His Laughin' Place

Since last post: 4319 days
Last activity: 4313 days
Posted on 07-23-07 12:16 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by nuit
Is my brain making things more complicated than they really are?

I will be the first one to say that love doesn't exist, that it is a creation of our mind to give meaning to something that inherently has no meaning. HOWEVER, if such a thing as love existed, it was what I would have felt and shared with the girl who left me a couple weeks ago (this 4th of July was by no means "Happy").



You dont believe in Love huh, thats a first. However I cant judge you on your situation, no one can. You live your life and your life only.

Also, many will tell you Drugs are either bad, or good. I wont give you a response on how I feel about Drugs.

Just keep in mind that Drugs arent for everyone for a reason, everyone experiences Drugs differently from what I have seen.

I also wont comment, and I havent "Been There", mainly because I believe in Love, and im currently experiencing it. You do what you have to do, and you shouldent let others guide you.
nuit

Goomba








Since: 03-04-07

Since last post: 5162 days
Last activity: 3847 days
Posted on 07-24-07 09:25 PM Link | Quote
I will let the wind guide me then, and just enjoy the moment, and say "fuck off" to either of them if they try to chain me down.
Xeoman

Ball and Chain Trooper
Administrator








Since: 08-14-04
From: 255

Since last post: 19 days
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 07-25-07 11:42 PM Link | Quote
IE: Definitely the most serious thread this forum has ever seen.

Probably should have gone in Sunset.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 74 days
Last activity: 74 days
Posted on 07-26-07 03:40 AM Link | Quote
Well, as the Sunset moderator I will give my two cents.

To hell with Candice, if everything you said is true. If Emma is interested in a relationship let her be the one to make the first move but otherwise try to grow as best you can and work on being happy. Who knows, maybe you will see that love is real after all.

If it make you feel any better though, I know your pain.
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