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| Rauni Posts: 962/1351 |
Originally posted by Kyoku But didn't 7th Heaven already revealed that kind of story? Well, Dirk, most people alreadys had this kind of problem so it is natural feeling. Althrough the pain are quite different, the situation is the same. All you can do now is to look for another girl of your choice if they ever decided to get married. But this doesn't mean you should end the relation there and now! Just stay as a friend and when something goes wrong for her, she always got you for a friend (... I'm not going to insert negative stuff here now) but this does not mean to always give up. Shit happened and because it is commonly known that the girl would have assumed people know they are already married. If she told you ahead of time, how would you think she would felt on how you react? She probably would have think you would ditch her in the moment she said: "Umm... I'm engaged." So that why people keep thing a secret because they don't want to break up the friendship quickly. (That and the girl probably like you but was looking for something more in a person.) Your only option for now is to wait and let this thing work out. But at the same time, think about you and her, was there anything special that you guys did together that still want you to be friend with her? Those sort of question clears up your intention. |
| Kyoku kun Posts: 61/1329 |
Wow that is quite a classic story.. you should be on TV!
You should really just talk to her about it. You can understand more about the relationship before you confess your feelings toward her. Or you can tell her your feelings and hope for the best... Thats what I would do anyway. |
| Dirk Ralthar Posts: 98/328 |
Well.... good news and bad news... The good news is that I have recently helped her through some hard times (a number of which involved her fiance) and have gotten some good points in and may have helped her keep her relationship with him... the bad news is that they are still together. I don't have the slightest idea of what to do at this point... other than wait and see. |
| Savedox Posts: 1341/1567 |
Originally posted by Makura That is precisly correct, you shouldnt beet yourself up for it or anything.. shit happens... you will get over her soon enough.. it may be hard.. but you will.. trust me on that one.. |
| Makura Posts: 1064/1555 |
Well, Dirk. Believe me when i say I now what it's like to watch someone your in love with be engaged to someone else.
I got him though. What I did was just let things fly, and if it was meant to be it would happen. You have to believe that her happiness is most important even if that isn't with you. That's the only thing that kept me sane. |
| Elara Posts: 3422/9736 |
How did she meet him if he is in Los Angeles and you're both up north? Please tell me this isn't an internet thing. |
| Dirk Ralthar Posts: 34/328 |
Well, first off she has only been engaged for a few months, not the entire time I have known her, second, she did not realized that I did not know, she had announced it to the group that the 2 of us hang out with at school at a time that I was not there, she thought I was. Third, the fiance is some guy that she knows who lives in LA, I live north of San Fran, there is no way for me to have met him. If I did, it may help me deal with some of this, but I tend to have a natural distrust of people that I don't know, I try not to judge before I have gotten the persons measure. One of my biggest fears is that she is making a mistake, I don't want to see that happen. I would feel better knowing he was not a scoundrel as most men are (no offense to any men who read this), who isn't just manipulating her... again, I realize that may sound selfish but, that is that way I feel... that can't be helped. It is at times like these that I sometimes wish I had greater faith in religion, but times like these make me question the existence of some greater power. |
| avatar of law Posts: 400/486 |
well, i'd just like'ta point out something... how come you've only been reg-ed for 11 days...
anyways.... yeah, i'm totally gonna be mean about this. first off... it is your fault for not noticing, and assuming that she was unattached. even if you didnt like her at the time, it's your responsibilty as a friend, to actually know about your friend's personal life, to even consider yourself a friend in the first place. so either you were stupid, or you really werent a good friend to her at all. secondly, you've known about it for months on end, yet nothing's happened. thirdly, even if you ever did anything, she's still gonna move away, so what the hell. you're just gonna admit your love to her, which she already knows about i bet, just to make her life more complicated? fourthly, you still dont even know who she's engaged to. that's WEAK! seriously weak. if you love her like you said, you should at least know what kind of guy she's with. just think about all of that. |
| Elara Posts: 3418/9736 |
Wait, so if I read this right, she has been engaged the entire time that you have known her? Why did she never mention it before? Yes, tell her how you feel because otherwise you will always be plagued by the "what ifs", but at the same time you should mention how messed up it is that she kept something like that from you. Especially if she doesn't take your words well and tries to hide behind that. If you had known I doubt the feelings would have manifested.
The whole situation is really fucked up, and I am sorry that you have to go through all this Dirk. |
| Makura Posts: 1059/1555 |
I'd ssay that last line to her. Quite honestly all you can do is tell her the truth. Tell her how you feel and tell her how hopelessly in love with her you are. Don't let up.
If she doesn't feel the same, then love her in other ways. You can still be her friend and love her. |
| Dirk Ralthar Posts: 33/328 |
This is a classic story...
Plot: Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy finds out girl is engaged. Characters: Boy (AKA me), Girl (Someone i am hopelessly in love with), the Fiance (some guy I don't know), The good friend (someone who has givin me useless advise through the whole damn thing) So this is what happend. Four years ago, I meet this girl in one of my classes at school. At first, she seemed kind of strange and I did not really care for her, but after having been put into the same lab group a couple of times, we soon became friends. This was fine for a while, but, in the incredible stupidity unique to men, I fell in love with her. The downside is that she'd had some... shall I say less than agreeable experiences with men, and was kind of wary of we of the Y-Chromosome. This is something I found out two years later. She knew that I liked her more than a little, as I had mentioned such several times, but never said anything directly... that was until about 4 months ago that I find out that, not only is she engaged, but had been for several months before that day. To say I was taken by surprise is a bit of an understatement, I am amazed I was able to remain as passive as I did. When later asking my friend about my reaction (I had no idea what my expression may have betrayed) he told me "Your face was a stone mask". Apparently the mental blocks that I have developed to keep an emotional collapse worked better than I could have thought, while my mind was busy trying to deside what would be the best emotion to show, depression, sadness, anger (at myself or nothing in peticular), ect. my face just went to Screen Saver 2. After four months, I still have no true idea how to respond to this. The aforementioned friend has told me to let go, but what he fails to understand is that it is not that simple. If it was, this would not be an issue. Because of these circumstances, I also find myself in a dillema. As her friend, I should be happy for her right? But at the same time I can't, it drives home like a knife through the heart whenever I think about it. I can't try to break them up, because it makes me seem petty and selfish, oblitterating my already damn near non-existent chance of there ever being something between us, but at the same time, I can't sit by idly and watch this happen. I am too stubborn to admit that it is too late and accept that as the end. I am stuck in a swirling vortex of god knows what that I can't extricate myself from. I don't know what to do and wouldn't know how to do it even if I did. At this point I am willing to hear any advise, in the hopes that it might help with this issue. It doesn't help that it is a time sensitive issue in that by September, she will no longer live near me... and after that I fear that I may never see her again... something that pains me more than the thought of her marrying someone else. She once told me that we all have to do what is best for each of us... well whether she knows it or not, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And to not try to be with her defies her very statement |
