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| Cteno Posts: 1172/3416 |
Originally posted by Katana I love you guys!  |
| Katana Posts: 2908/3649 |
I'm glad you're doing better, especially from your original post here.
Listen, I think we're in a similar, of not the same, boat, as far as the whole "non-sex" dealie. Truthfuly, I've never put too much thought into my sexuality. I call myself "straight" because I've only been sexually attracted to men. **shrugs** My gram raised me to be this way though. To be accepting, so skin color, sexual orientation, that's not how a person is defined, per se. I think it's an attribute that shouldn't be ignored, but just because you notice someone is black or white, gay or straight, doesn't mean you're holding it against them. It means you're not ignoring them and still accepting it anyway. (Besides, why do we call it straight anyway? Gay people can have good posture, and non-gay people can have terrible slouches. Sexual orientation doesn't determine whether we're "straight" or "crooked" but I guess that's off topic. XD) I don't think sex is as important as people make it out to be. I think it's awesome, and can either selfish or selfless. If you're going with the selfish route, then it's like Rogue said, people can have sex and not be in love. And that sex can be damn good. But in those cases, the people are having sex because THEY want to, and it makes them feel good. Correct? I think it's a more selfish reason to have sex, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Then there's selfless. There's the one where it's all about being close to that person, and wanting to please them, blah blah blah...but, that's the thing. If you're willing to have sex with this person for THEM, and not for your own purposes, then it might be difficult, but it's not impossible for one to accept that the other just doesn't want sex, be it at all, or just at that moment. And if the person truly had selfless intentions, then they'll somehow come to that understanding. And there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting sex either! It's not the be all end all. Shit, I'm living with a girl whom I've known my entire life. I kid you not. And you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been. I've always been at my happiest with her anyway. We know everything about each other, we trust each other more than anyone else, and as time has proven, she really IS one of the only people I'd do anything for. We co-exist so well. We con't constantly need each other for entertainment. Shit, we can be in the same ROOM, for HOURS, and not say a word to each other, just be off in our own little worlds. We're interested in different things, but what we have in common, we manage to do together. We argue like crazy, but I think it's because we hold back less because we don't have that insecurity of the other abandoning us. I can honestly say I'm more comfortable with this girl than any one else, and always have been. And yet, there is no sex, in fact, nothing sexual involved, yet we have this intimacy between us that I've never had with anyone else. Who knows, it could mean I'm not as straight as I think. Or it could mean that "soulmate" really DOESN'T mean that person you marry, have kids with, etc...But I don't miss sex, or desire sex, with her, or anyone else, and I'm perfectly happy just doing my thing, going to work, and working from home, playing video games, watching movies, TV, screwing around on the internet, hanging out with my friends in my freetime, and soon school full-time will be added to the mix. But this is all I want out of life right now, and I'm happy. So, you, going to the parties and such, that's just you doing your thing. You can do that, you're not wrong for it, and you can and deserve to be, happy with that. You can also have someone to be intimate with, with or without sex, and you're not wrong or undeserving of that either. OR, I'm wrong, and totally off my rocker, but even if that's so, you're not the only one who wants to just "do your thing" without involving sex in your life, so if we ARE wrong for feeling that way, then at least you're not alone.  And at least any advice potentially offered isn't just ideals being spoken out of my ass. I'm living them.
Otherwise, give Valhalla a chance. Seems like it'll break his heart if you don't. Haha. |
| Cteno Posts: 1168/3416 |
No no, I didn't mean it like that either!
No sarcasm was in my previous post!
Edit: Just thought of how that could be misconstrued yet a third time!  |
| Kyoku kun Posts: 1173/1329 |
Originally posted by Valhalla Ironically, I didn't mean it in that way. I meant it like "OH MY GOD". I didn't even think about it that way until now . |
| Cteno Posts: 1165/3416 |
You said FUCK GUYS twice, yet I'm an exception!
I feel awesome right now!  |
| Kyoku kun Posts: 1172/1329 |
True flight, you already have me  .
Valhalla, I may make an exception for you... In other news, good lord guys. I went to another party (that happened to be in the most largest, richest house I've ever been in) and not only did my self confidence sharply increase, but my situation was nearly dealt with. Girl number one sent me a message which consisted of an apology and the plan to leave me alone for a while. And the second girl, who, no offence to her, I expected to lust after me and then turn around and leave if I wasn't accessible..asked me out of coffee. She said "she understands that I'm not looking for something sexual, but she really realized that she is looking for intimacy and a connection with me." and then she kissed me in a very soft and romantic way. hmm. I'm kind of basking in a lot of feelings. 1. FUCK GUYS! THIS GIRL IS SO FUCKING ATTRACTIVE! Even if nothing happens, the fact that she expressed interest is so extremely flattering. 2. Due to my underlying lack of self confidence, I get the feeling that perhaps she just wants a "challenge" and still expects sex in some way. 3. She's only here for the summer and she seems to be an incredibly nice person. But do I want to commit to anything? Does she want commitment? Cuddlewhore buddies. I know I can trust her because I know so much about her... which leads me to my next feeling. 4. ..she's my best friends, best friend. My best friend is an extremely self assured person, but I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to steal away her friends... We'll see. 5. FUCK GUUUYSS! |
| Cteno Posts: 1160/3416 |
Originally posted by True Flight I would have said that instead of the wall of text, but I don't have lady parts... :/ |
| True Flight Posts: 3961/5245 |
Kyoku... I want you =P
Otherwise don't do it if you don't want to. =P |
| Cteno Posts: 1150/3416 |
I kinda know where you're coming from, to tell the truth. I've had sex before, but only with one person and she was very kind to me so I felt very comfortable doing it. Now that we're broken up, it's hard for me to imagine myself with somebody else, in fact it's somewhat repulsive in a way. I mostly think of my own appearance which I'm not too thrilled about. I wear my clothes well but it's a different story underneath. Then again, I've basically got the self esteem of a brick so that's probably one of my problems.
For me, it's simply a mental wall that I need to climb over because I know for a fact that I'm one hell of a lover! Hell, it's the only reason why we waited 7 months before we even had sex for the first time! If it's you that you're worried about, don't fear it at all. If it's literally a disinterest in the act altogether, then do NOT cave to into pressure as that can lead to many problems altogether. |
| Rogue Posts: 5713/11918 |
If you don't want to have sex right now, don't have sex. It's nice to be wanted, but you gotta go with your gut, your intuition, your heart, what's right for you.
As I'm sure you're aware, most of the time hang ups with sex are psychological. For example, women who haven't experienced orgasms have some mental blockage there. The impasse is removed with some soul-searching and introspection. If you're cool with never having sex ever in your life, be open about it with whatever partner you take up, so they don't feel rejected and hurt by your lack of interest and they won't take it personally. Sex is often our way of making another happy and giving them gratification. If they feel they can't do it for you, they often feel dejected and inferior. After being in, so far, a 6-year-long relationship I've come to notice that I simply cannot divorce myself from the idea that sex must be with someone you love now. I mean, it's cool if others want to engage in loveless sex (which can be pretty intense), but it's just not for me anymore. And I completely get what you're saying about it. Lastly, I don't know anyone who feels 100% about their body, even the people who won't shut up about hot they think they are. We all have something about ourselves we wish could be different. Personally, I HATE seeing myself naked. But there's a certain level of confidence in knowing that someone else wants to see you in that state, who doesn't care about the fat, the parts you find hideous or freakish, but sees through all that and just wants to just be with you. You're young and things are always going to be confusing (unless you've got it all figured out, then by all means stop listening to the spinster hag writing these words). This video's got nothing to do with anything, but here: |
| Phoenixocracy Posts: 167/2746 |
Haha. Excuse me for laughing, but its just at the stereotype. I, for one, am not one of those stereotypical guys. I think that youre doing the right thing by not doing anything sexual with someone that you barely have feelings for. I think its something special that you should save for that special someone. I mean, yeah, people break up and everything, but I wouldnt go around just having sex with random people.
I think youre doing the right thing. And hey, if you like them back, get to know them alot more. If, of course, youre looking for a relationship. Thats what I would do in your situation, even if I was a lesbian. Lol. Hope it helped |
| Kyoku kun Posts: 1165/1329 |
Meet Aurora. Aurora is a blooming flower of lesbianism. Aurora only realized the true intensity of her homosexuality recently and had previously thought she was bisexual. Aurora is back from her six month trip in Japan. Aurora has matured and become a more down to earth, enjoyable person. Aurora is spending more time with her friends and generally liked a lot more. Aurora has started going to parties. Aurora enjoys drinking (and recently tried marijuana). Aurora is getting more friends.
All good things in my point of view. I don't struggle with my sexuality. I'm totally accepted by my friends and family. I am not ever pressured to do anything I don't want at parties..etc. I'll continue. Aurora has recently become popular with people she is meeting. Aurora has three beautiful girls who are *very* interested in her. Still a good thing? Yes.. It's a flattering thing. Certainly builds my self confidence.. Now for the problem.. Aurora does not want sex. Aurora is not interested in the slightest in having sex with anyone of these three girls, nor anyone else. Aurora does not lust after anyone. Coming out of third person. I really don't like myself very much. I'm getting better about it, but I don't like seeing myself naked, During any sort of sexual act, especially under the influence of alcohol, I rarely enjoy myself. My thought process is something along the lines of "..haha.. She seems to be enjoying herself" I'm kind of ranting, I'm not really sure what I expect out of posting this. It's such a nice situation to be in.. To be wanted.. But it builds a LOT of pressure. I learned today that my best friends, best friend, is extremely interested in me, and she is at nearly every party I am going to be invited to. But..I do not want to engage in anything of the sort and I am relatively new to all of this. I, stereotypically, imagine most of the boys do not have this problem very often, and there aren't many girls here, and not any lesbians to my knowledge. I just don't adore the idea of engaging in something sexual with someone I have little to no feelings for. What would you do in my situation? And don't worry, I'm not weepy about it . Feel free to make fun of me, I'm just getting it off my chest. |
